The Shoes Really Matter

I finally found a hero worth having

2007-10-04T09:40:00.000-07:00

As a child growing up I, like most, had many dreams and, for what I believed to be a whole host of reasons, many of them remain just dreams still today; but perhaps that might change soon. In this day and age of the cult of celebrity there is a lot of talk about the lack of genuine heroes, good heroes, to inspire and lead by example. Today I spent perhaps one of the most emotional, if not most inspiring, hour and a half of my life so far watching Dr. Randy Pausch’s “last lecture”, the inaugural speech in a series called Life Journeys organized by Carnegie Mellon University. For those who have never heard of Randy, and although I have never meet him personally, I believe he is the kind of person that would be ok if I call him Randy, he is an extraordinary educator and human being and, in my mind, one of this generation’s truly great heroes. Randy is dying of cancer, but to watch him and to hear his message it is hard to keep that in mind. The theme of his speech was what it takes to make childhood dreams a reality, either your own or those of others.

Randy poignantly reminded me today that I need never give up on those childhood dreams, and more importantly, Randy reminded me that nothing really stands in my way other than myself. Randy reminded me that the door remains closed forever to those who stop trying to get in. His compelling reminder that the metaphorical “brick wall” was only there to keep out those who truly did not want in was a lesson lost somewhere along the way. He jogged my memory to the importance of having people in my life who supported and encouraged me to live my dream, no matter how improbable or preposterous it might seem. No less important, he reminded me of how vital it is to surround myself with other people who share the passion for making my dream a reality; for nothing really great can ever be achieved alone. But Randy’s speech was not for me, it wasn’t even for the hundreds of people in the audience or the hundreds of thousands who will share in its magic in posterity. Randy’s speech was for his three children. And despite the sadness his passing will bring them, they will never need another hero.

I too am a parent, though my own children are well into early adulthood. Regardless of that I plan to share Randy’s speech with them; in fact, I will be by their side when they listen. I doubt that I will ever be able to achieve what Randy has done, as there are few who ever will. What makes Randy so special is not so much they way he has chosen to face death, but the way he has lived his life and achieved his dreams and the powerful force he has been in helping so many others reach theirs; that is what makes him a hero in my eyes. Don’t get me wrong, I am not in any way thinking regretfully or disparagingly of my parental skills, though there is probably ample room for doubt; in reality I am excited that I have finally found a hero worthy to share with my children. And should that not be one of the most important tasks of a parent? I think so.

When too many A's become C's the elders worry

2007-10-02T11:50:00.000-07:00

The occasion was a business dinner at a “supper club” in Chengdu, a lively city in the heart of China’s colorful Sichuan province. The entertainment that night was a pair of dancers and their unique version of a tango soon digressed into a provocative and vivid reenactment of sex. Even more startling, in the blink of an eye, the young lady’s ample breasts were exposed to the enthusiastic applause of the mostly male audience. My secretary leaned over and matter-of-factly whispered in my ear, “this is why Chairman Jiang is worried”. This was shortly after Jiang Zemin, China’s then president and secretary-general of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP), made his September 1995 speech to the Fifth Plenum of the Central Committee where he warned that economic development must not take precedent over ideology, and open displays of sexuality such as the one I had just witnessed was definitely one of those pesky flies that had flown in the window that Deng Xiao Peng had opened so wide.

Jumping ahead a little more than a decade and what did I find in today’s headlines? “China bans bra, underwear and sex toy ads” (AP-Beijing bureau). http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070930/ap_on_re_as/china_sexy_ads_2. Once again the “sex police” are out in full force and on the offensive against social pollution. One of the most entertaining aspects of China is the often-clumsy attempts to clean up the moral landscape ahead of major holidays, party meetings or large-scale media invasions such as the upcoming Olympics will bring. But what made this latest proclamation particularly interesting was the fact it targeted, among other things, push-up bras and “figure-enhancing underwear” and the ban was being enforced to prevent “misleading consumers” with “outrageous” or “insupportable” claims and to clean up “social pollution” that harms the image of the Communist party. I’m not even going near that one on misleading consumers but perhaps there is more here than meets the eye!

As a keen observer of China for more than a decade now, I have admittedly noticed an unusually large increase in average cup size during that period. Ok, I carry the Y chromosome, and as hard as I try to the contrary, in the presence of the superior sex my eyes tend to drift toward the vicinity of the breasts. This observation is of course personal and devoid of any scientific support, but it was reasonably confirmed in the Shanghai Daily last year in an article that began with this teaser, “A recent report suggesting Chinese women are growing larger breast made headlines around the country”. The article goes on to attribute this in part to change in diet but I am not so sure of that. And why should this be held in any doubt?

On an average day in Shanghai, where 3 out of 5 taxis are adorned with advertisements for breast enlargement clinics, ironically, most carrying a picture of a pair of decidedly “western” 34d’s staring back at you, the breasts of 40 young women miraculously blossom overnight. For those seeking a more natural approach, the shelves of supermarkets, pharmacies and even the local version of 7-11 are stocked with an amazing array of breast enlargement creams, soaps, herbal supplements, breast enlarging teas and a host of electro-mechanical devices all touting the ability to transform you into Pamela Anderson in a matter of weeks! There are even massage parlors devoted to breast enlargement (sorry guys, female attendants only) and the ancient art of acupuncture has gotten in on the act as well. The most imaginative one though, I swear I am not making this up, is a collection of ring tones being marketed to turn those A’s and B’s into C’s and D’s. Honestly, it sometimes seems to this humble observer that the entire nation might be preoccupied with breasts. I often wonder why that is.

Perhaps it is partly the blame of “western” pollution as Playboy, Baywatch and Angelina Jolie are as much a part of modern day culture of China as in the US. Perhaps it is partly the fault that in China, where job qualifications often include the requirement of “appropriate appearance”, beauty is an important factor to get ahead and a shapely pair of breasts probably is useful in the male dominated world of business. Maybe it is a “tribal” sign of sorts that you have moved up in the world; after all, the cost of a set of implants is roughly 2 times the average annual income of most. Or is it done only to please a husband or lover in exchange for the hope of greater security in the relationship? Chinese men, well actually most men for that matter, are particularly vulnerable when it comes to these matters. Even more improbable, maybe it is defiant act and outwardly open grab at power that has traditionally been vested in the male species. The author Anita Wise once noted, “A lot of guys think the larger a woman's breasts are, the less intelligent she is. I don't think it works like that. I think it's the opposite. I think the larger a woman's breasts are, the less intelligent men become”.

Most likely it is a combination of all these things in different doses and I am sure I will never know the answer. But what I do know is that the trend of “bigger is better” is unlikely to change soon and maybe this time the “moral police” got it right. What better time than ever to inject an element of “truth in advertising” into that particularly deceitful business of push up bras.

“Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today. Teach a man to fish; and you have fed him for a lifetime”

2007-09-28T19:42:00.000-07:00

Dear Respectful.
Warm greetings to you and your family in the name of God. I introduce my self to you with all faith, trust and hope you will understand to assist us not to betray us at the end. I was 20 Years old boy when my father died 2 years ago in a gold mine in Republic of Serria Leone. He was into legal gold minning,he has succeded in saving the sum of Ten million, five hundred thousand United State Dollars.USD ($10.500,000)left in fixed /suspense account in one of the prime bank here in Abidjan during his Business on Gold, before he went on a trip to Republic of Cote D'Ivoire West Africa near by country to our country to save his money for security reasons because of the political problem in our country.

Since the death of our father our step mother has been trying to kill us, she has been given us a lot of problem and she have collected every thing from us and now she still need the deposit certificate to claim this fund but I can't give this to her because is all we have to leave with. I am 22 years while my sister Lora is 20 years old of age we still need to go to school and have a better education and start a new life. Our step mother knows that our dad has such money but she don't know where exactly the fund is been deposited. Right now we are hiding in a refugee camp in Ivory Coast. Our father used my name 'Joakim Thorelli' as the next of kin to the deposited fund. And we ran away with the deposit document, so nobody have access to the money now except me and my younger sister Lora.

We need help from you to asist us to transfer this money to your country for investment and who will be sincere to invite us to his country without cheating us or doing bad to us on my arrival with my sister, we are willing to offer you 15% of the total sum after the transfer of this fund into your account in overseas. Please mail me urgently to know your stands before looking for help elsewhere, you're the first person we are contacting in this isseu.
Please permit me to ask, can you honestly help us as your own people and can we completely trust you? We are kindly requesting for this vital information from you if you agreed to assist us out of our problem:

(1) Your full name (2) Your Personal telephone number and fax. I will also want you to tell me more about yourself in your reply to my letter to you. Thank you for your signify interest to assist me and my sister. Hoping to hear from you soon. May God bless you and preserve our friendship in good faith.

Best regards
Joakim Thorelli and sister,
(Lora)

Dear Joakim and Lora;

It was indeed a surprise to receive your mail and, after carefully reading it over and over I must say I am saddened to hear of your plight and my sincere and deepest condolences to you for the loss of your father, if that is indeed what I understood you to say. The matter with your stepmother is of course what seems to be of the utmost importance at this time.

Differences of opinion, tension, passive aggressive behaviors and even hostility are not uncommon in family situations such as the one you and Lora find yourselves in now. I am of no doubt that the strain of your father’s untimely death has played a large role in the worsening of your relationship with your stepmother, but I do believe she means well, despite that it might appear otherwise at times. Since it seems you have good access to the internet, my advice to you is to direct your self to asktheinternettherapist.com where you will find many qualified professionals who can start you, Lora and your stepmom on a path of healing and recovery. There is also a wonderful book called “Making Friends with your Stepchildren” by Rosemary Wells that might make a lovely gift for your stepmother and could even be a nice bridge to renewing your relationship with her. I believe you can find it at Amazon.com. I am sure your departed father, God bless his soul, would sleep more peacefully in his grave knowing that his family was again united in heart and spirit.

I am also very pleased to read that you and Lora have plans to continue your education. Joakim, I did notice that most respectable employers could look on your sentence structure, spelling and word usage not so favorably. Using your father’s legacy to improve your education seems much more prudent than pursuing risky investment options in my country. I believe your stepmother would concur with me on that matter.

If however you persevere in your interest to invest the money there are many far more knowledgeable than me on how to do this. Since you are currently staying in a refugee camp, one very good idea would be to contact the UN Office of the High Commissioner for Refugees. I believe they would be able to provide invaluable assistance for many of your current dilemmas. I think the director’s name is Mr. António Guterres and, while I do not have his email address, I am sure you can find it since you were able to find mine. Another idea worth your noble consideration is to contact the Swedish Embassy nearest you, as Thorelli is a well respected family name in Sweden and they should be most eager to help I am sure on behalf of your departed ancestors.

My dear Joakim, thank you for your trust in me to help you through this troubling time and I hope my kind advice in some small way leaves you with hope. It is perhaps indeed a miracle of god that you found me first. Please do stay in touch.

Warm regards,

What I learned in spite of Sunday school

2007-09-26T15:32:00.000-07:00

Having grown up with a rather haphazard and eclectic immersion into religion (yes, I was baptized several times), the question most often on my mind as a child was whether I would burn in a cauldron of fiery brimstone or know that my weekly penitence was the key to the door of eternal bliss. The final product of these liberal doses of Southern Baptist, Pentecostal, Moravian, Lutheran and Catholic dogma was a very spiritual challenged person, but one with a tremendous curiosity how one book, The Bible, could produce so many different and often conflicting interpretations. One thing was for sure though; this Bible was one powerful and compelling piece of literature and was far more interesting than My Weekly Reader. Later in college, struggling to find easy (thus passable with minimum effort) courses I stumbled on something called “World Religions”. Here I not only rediscovered the Bible, but also discovered the Hebrew Bible, The Qur’an and the collection of writings of the Buddha’s teachings, and the powerful influence they had on peoples lives. Much to my surprise, I actually learned some valuable lessons that have served me well in life.

In today’s increasingly polarized and intolerant society maybe it might be worthwhile to consider teaching the world’s great religions, and a reading of the great books and writings these are based on, as a required subject in the primary school system. Think what a tremendous impact this might have on reducing the points of intolerance in our society today. That would of course mean that the teaching would have to be done from a secular pulpit, a condition that I fear would be pretty hard to sell to roughly 49% of our population-those aptly named “red states”, not to mention the obstacles that would need to be overcome in the more totalitarian and monotheistic school boards that exist in parts of the nation, but consider the implications.

The Bible, the Qur'an, Buddha's teachings are all indeed a great works of literature. All of these classics surprisingly share a universal code of morality and ethical guidelines. Stripped of any particular dogma, this sage advice might indeed lead in some small way toward lessening intolerance, bigotry and racism so rampant now wherever we look. At the same time, in a country such as ours where 50% or more of the population thinks Singapore is part of China, the implications for broadening understanding of geography are compelling as well. Even the teaching of science, mathematics, health and business might benefit from this change in curriculum. The only risk is can this be accomplished without the introduction of bias toward a particular dogma or faith, but this is a risk that is worth taking I believe, for the common good.

Perhaps the great American humorist and author Mark Twain sums this up best with these words, “All schools, all colleges, have two great functions: to confer, and to conceal, valuable knowledge. The theological knowledge which they conceal cannot justly be regarded as less valuable than that which they reveal. That is, when a man is buying a basket of strawberries it can profit him to know that the bottom half of it is rotten.” At least by putting that basket on display for all to see, it is easier to find the rotten ones.

Halloween, hamburgers and that elusive 15 minutes of fame

2007-09-24T20:34:00.000-07:00

As I strolled past the candy aisle at the local supermarket this weekend I caught a quick glimpse of packages decked out in all manners of orange and black. That could only mean Halloween was just around the corner, right? Even though I am considered well beyond the age that gets pumped over pumpkins and hobgoblins, Halloween does hold a special place in my heart, for it once brought me one of those "mini" 15 minute moments of fame we all so desperately seek and seldom find. The absurd, or perhaps pathetic reality is it wasn't that long ago (I am nearing retirement age) nor was it even on home ground. Casting aside those minor details, it was indeed one of my most satisfying accomplishments under pressure ever and certainly a worthy example of the unlimited creative power we all possess. As far-fetched as this might sound, I think there is even a business lesson or two here if you stretch your imagination.

This episode began with me in the middle of the planning season and already struggling for weeks to find a coherent and rational plan to support some mildly irrational budget targets. I was setting smack in the middle of the world's most dynamic economy and my boss really would not accept any reasons for less than double-digit growth, no matter how sound or correct any arguments to the contrary might be. At wits end from the whole process, I did what any rational person would do- headed off for a drink or two to clear my fuzzy head. On top of this enormous budget pressure was a sudden realization that I would soon miss yet another holiday celebration in my home country. Granted it was a pretty minor one, Halloween, and it would be unlikely I would even mildly enjoy being at "home" handing out treats to obnoxious little kids; nonetheless, it was a holiday and no matter how lucrative those "hardship" bonuses may seem on the surface, money is of little solace when holidays are repeatedly missed, even those insignificant ones.

You can imagine my bubbling joy when later that night I found my favorite Shanghai watering hole, the "place to be and be seen", was holding a massive Halloween party with a fairly impressive list of prizes. It seemed this rowdy holiday had been heartily embraced by the Middle Kingdom after all. Of course, this revelation was really not so surprising as most western holidays, particularly those "commercially attractive" rituals like Christmas, Easter and the whole host of "Hallmark holidays" had quickly taken root alongside the traditional, and far more profound, ones in economic-driven modern China. Already knowing that Halloween in China would be more of a "big kids" kind of thing to entertain us hard working "respectable" professionals, my naughty inner child made no bones about it that "we" were going to run rampant alongside the other aging ghosts and hobgoblins that year. Besides, this sort of opportunity seemed the perfect venue to fulfill my obligations as a cultural ambassador to the world, right? As my friends and I sat slowly drowning our week's misery in a few magnums of stale, expensive "cheap" French wine, the seeds were first sown of what would become one of my finest, if not defining, moments in a long love affair with Halloween.

The grand prize for this upcoming extravaganza would go to whoever came up with the best and most original costume! To hell with the budget, this was my new target! I knew this was going to be an equally challenging task as I looked around the room at all the other creative and motivated competitors I would be facing, not to mention the often surly staff who would be voting on the winner. After all, this was happening in "the" place to be seen in Shanghai, "the" place to be in the late 1990's if you were on the cutting edge of anything. There was definitely a lot attitude and brainpower here, albeit some bordering on temporary, if not permanent, impairment from too many tequila shots. I knew a Herculean effort would be needed to have any shot at winning.

After having procrastinated for most of a month mulling over hundreds of half-baked ideas while adding the final touches to my already late budget, I only set out to find my "perfect" costume on Halloween morning. Now this might seem a bit tight by most planning standards but I was confident that I had the talent to pull it together as I headed off to browse through the many novelty and theatrical shops tucked around Shanghai's artsy districts. Although it was the time of day when my biorhythms were not even awake, my mind was brimming with fanciful ideas and clever designs. I definitely was in a groove and knew it would be a breeze to quickly flesh out a "winner" once I found the "right" pieces. First stop- the many novelty shops surrounding Yi Yuan Gardens, all filled with colorful (but deadly suffocating) rubber and vinyl masks in every caricature, creature and demon imaginable (all “export quality” of course). But alas, there were just too many Dick Nixon, Crusty the Clown, and Bill Clinton faces staring back at me; besides, everyone had these at his or her disposal! After a brief lull and a coffee or two later, my creative juices flowed richer and richer thanks to Mr. Caffeine! Why not some "native" costume-perhaps an ancient Chinese warrior, or better still, a frightening and colorful Beijing opera character!

Aha! It was still morning, I had already latched onto the perfect idea and I still had the rest of the day to pull it together. Hailing the first taxi in sight, it was off to FuXing Lu with its motley collection of theater shops tucked in amongst the bookstores and galleries. All were filled with bright colored face paints, rich and regal robes with a dazzling accoutrement of ancient weapons, bright colored paper lanterns, some very wicked looking carved wooden masks, and staffed by the most lifeless people I had every encountered in a theatrical environment. But, that aside, here it was! All I could possibly need was there for the choosing. This was going to be the costume of all costumes...the crème de le crème!

After much contemplation and the usual trying on of this thing and that thing, I finally assembled my intended wardrobe. Next, in my not too substantial Chinese, I asked one of the more curious staff what amount of RMB this treasure would set me back. After a quick whirl on the abacus, to my astonishment the clerk replied RMB 5,800! Wow, this was more than US$ 600!! After several futile efforts to bargain I realized it would take my whole month's entertainment budget just to fund this one night affair. No way! That was a sacrifice that I just wasn't ready to make. After one more half-hearted attempt to bargain, knowing that even a highly unlikely 20 percent discount would still make this too extravagant, I walked out the door in a bit of a funk. Oh yes, I briefly toyed with the idea of whether this had any shot at all as a business expense, but quickly decided that required a degree of creative accounting way beyond even my skills.

Dejected and now fast running out of time, my empty stomach now growling like a pack of wolves, I decided that perhaps some food would re-ignite my creative juices. I went to the next corner and looked up and down the street for a place to grab a quick bite to eat. Suddenly, there it was!! Like a vision from the heavens the rightful owner of my perfect costume was staring back at me, as he sat smiling with his legs crossed, sharing his bright yellow bench with the pigeons! I quickly raced back in the shop, grabbing a handful of colorful face paints and a thick and bushy wig of auburn hair. Next, it was off to the many small clothes markets that crowded HuTing Lu alleyway to find the rest. Yes, they had the baggy yellow trousers, the red and white striped shirt, and even a matching yellow vest. As an added bonus I even found a pair of monstrously oversized shoes that made it all complete.

With less than an hour now to spare I needed to quickly transform these assembled pieces into the whole, to turn this wonderful vision into reality. Hurrying home I quickly went to work...painstakingly recreating that friendly and smiling face in detail! What emerged was even beyond my expectations! Everywhere I went people stared in awe of my talents to so realistically recreate this global icon! Needless to say, I was unanimously awarded the best costume prize at the largest party in town and merrily guzzled copious amounts of expensive champagne, one of the many rewards for the fruits of my labor. Oh, did I mention this party was sponsored by Verve Clique Champagne? Later, (or was it earlier, I always get confused when it is nearing dawn and my blood alcohol level is in double digits) as I weaved my way home with a lovely lady clinging to my arm, charmed and intoxicated by my creativity, I knew that this was surely the pinnacle of my life so far. I had captivated the masses-I was truly the king of Halloween in Shanghai! God, what a rush it was!

Stumbling out of bed later that evening under the weight of a massive champagne hangover, you know the kind where it hurts to merely blink your eyes, I surveyed my surroundings, albeit in a mildly distorted way as my eyes were clearly not prepared to take on the arduous task of focusing. To my utter horror, I discovered my brightly painted face had deserted me and taken up residence in every nook and cranny of my bed, my sheets now decorated in a kaleidoscope of color! I raced to the bathroom and gazed into the mirror through my champagne fogged eyes. Oh my GOD! My face was a vision from Hell! Streaks and gobs of black, red and white grease paint had merged in a pattern so indistinguishable and grotesque it could have easily been mistake for the early symptoms of some terrible and exotic tropical disease. Only after hours of scrapping, washing and scrubbing was I able to see my skin-at least the layer that remained! I was not yet prepared for the acne bloom soon to follow from pores clogged shut with grease paint; a visible reminder of my teenage years for weeks to come!

So, was it worth it? You bet!! For weeks and months thereafter, I was immediately recognized by my peers at "the" place to be and be seen and was asked time and time again (well, at least more than once) to tell the story of how I managed to land my name in the inaugural slot of the Halloween Ball honor roll. And, that clever little treat bag filled with Kit Kats and condoms from which I dispensed goodies throughout that immortal night remained a huge hit also in the weeks and months thereafter, though it was clearly out of the character of that wholesome personality I had worked so hard to replicate.

Who would have thought that this monumental icon to American fast food, Ronald McDonald, would have been the final inspiration behind my moment of fame in tradition rich China, particularly in Shanghai were KFC outsells McDonald’s be a factor of 10:1? Maybe a better question to ask is what is so special about this whole damn affair to begin with? Well, those are fair questions and I think I have the answer, at least to the latter. In the words of Mark Twain, "To arrive at a just estimate of a renowned man's character one must judge it by the standards of his time, not ours". As for the former, I guess you can chalk it up to another victory for globalization.

A New Weapon in the Battle of the Bulge

2007-09-23T09:03:00.000-07:00

Get ready for Small Bites! I found this clever little device on the front page of the business section in the local paper last week. (Click on title to read the full article.) What first appeared to me as someone’s attempt to recycle last year’s retainer is in fact a nifty little gadget that controls how far you can actually open your mouth, limiting the amount of food you can insert at one time. It’s clinical merit seems based on some marginally relevant research conducted on eating habits a few years ago that showed the slower we eat, the less we actually eat, and the less we eat, the faster we lose weight. Now there’s a novel idea. Oh, did I mention that particular research used “Chicken Nuggets” as the test food, an item with at best a questionable role in any weight management program to begin with, particularly if they were McNuggets. But I am getting off track here, so back to Small Bites.

According to this article and some other research I did, there are roughly 400 million overweight or obese people in the world who could potential gain (uphs, I mean lose) from this device. The basic principle behind its effectiveness is behavior modification and limited field trails in Europe have been quite successful. Small Bites is designed to cause discomfort, yes hurt, if you open your mouth too wide. So by making it painful to eat large bites, Small Bites soon whips you into a toned and svelte chunk of humanity. Wow, I wish I had thought of that.

As one who is considered a pragmatic thinker it is however quick for me to see some of its shortcomings already. First, how do you cut up a Whopper Jr. into small bites while weaving in and out of lunchtime traffic? Maybe this gives new meaning to the concept of “having it my way”. Those donut holes that usually comprise half of a hearty breakfast seem to be too big to inhale now also, can we get those in mini size instead? A trip to the ballpark is never really memorable unless accompanied by a juicy cheese steak and bucket of crab fries. Ok, the fries I can work with, but the cheese steak? Even that big tantalizing bite into a luscious crisp autumn apple seems unlikely if fitted out with Small Bite. And what about the far more important and no less desirable urge for amorous play? I guess tongue kissing is out of the question with this baby firmly in place, not to mention those other “unspeakable” mouth pleasures. Hmm, its practicality seems dubious at best.

As a long time weight challenged individual I guess I can understand the motive. After all, this little device comes on the heels of a pharmaceutical answer for losing weight that promises increased and uncontrollable flatulence and the potential for “leakage” and severe diarrheas, certainly far more embarrassing than getting your fork hung on your Small Bite. Society today does unevenly reward the thin and the thick and we seem to be in an age where quick fixes are preferred over longer-term solutions. Even the most cited comment about that tragic performance of you know who recently on MTV was, “my god, she is fat!”. But what happened to common sense? Of course we are going to gain weight if we eat the wrong foods, in the wrong portions and consider exercise to be the trip from the couch to the refrigerator and back. There are medical reasons for some, and these are legitimate and often complex, but for the majority of the so-called weight challenged majority, it is a simple case of too much and too little; too much of the wrong foods and too little exercise to work off those carbs and fats and other nasty little critters that accumulate on the mid section. Do I really need to wire my mouth shut and depend on an occasionally jolt of pain to remind myself to eat smaller bites?

Or maybe I am really just jealous I didn’t think of this first. At $50.00 a pop, the market potential is over $20 Billion. Good luck Small Bites!

Barbarians at the Gate-Tips for traveling in China

2007-09-21T13:03:00.001-07:00

With the Olympics just around the corner and the fall travel season in full swing, many travelers are adding China to their list of places to go, and for good reason. China is a fascinating and marvelous place to visit and is filled with not only breathtaking natural beauty and ancient charm but also some pretty amazing “first world” attractions like the futuristic landscape of Shanghai. Having been fortunate to have lived, worked and traveled throughout China for almost a decade I think I gained a bit of savvy on the ends and outs of travel from a westerner’s perspective as well as that of the Chinese. To anyone planning a journey to the middle kingdom, and I strongly encourage you to go if you have any doubts, here are some practical suggestions that will not only make your journey more enjoyable, but also might make it easier on your hosts.

First and foremost, make sure you bring your patience and a good sense of humor. Shouting and rudeness, while it might work in New York, has little place in China, and generally will only result in further delays or unhappiness.

From the moment you land at the airport until you board your return flight, you will feel you are constantly jostling for space. Queues are meant to be broken and it is every man to himself, particularly if you are unfortunate to be caught hailing a taxi in the rain. Look around you and you will quickly realize that this constant shoving and pushing applies equally to all. The Chinese have a long history of struggle.

If you will be traveling around by air, bring several good books. The abysmally poor on-time departure rate of most US air carriers is a goal worth chasing yet in China. Travel by train is far more efficient but is not recommended for those who exhibit any tendencies toward claustrophobia or are uncomfortable in crowded areas.

There are NO “no smoking” areas, so get over it quickly. If you are seriously affected by cigarette smoke, then maybe any trip to China should be reconsidered. There are more than 600 million smokers who firmly believe it is their inalienable right to light up at will. Change takes time, even generations, to happen.

Do not arbitrarily assume everyone can speak English. With the rapid expansion of tourism and a limited supply of qualified staff, even a 5 star hotel’s service may not be up to your expectations. While English language skills are expanding in leaps and bounds in most major cities, it is still a foreign language. If you are not with a guide or cannot speak Chinese make sure you have a good phrasebook in hand. Better still; make a few friends to help you in your journeys.

Take time to learn a few simple phrases and greetings. As complicated as Chinese language is, the simple greeting of Ni Hao (knee how) will bring warm smiles from your hosts, and whether you get the pronunciation right or not is less important than your effort.

Yes, taxi drivers will cheat you constantly. But is this really that much different than anywhere else? Again, many short journeys that turned long could have been avoided with a note from your hotel concierge, as the taxi driver who really understands English is as rare as the mythical unicorn, and those that do, cavit emptor.

Do not constantly compare the service you receive in China to your country in a negative way. Of course China has made huge strides in development, but it has been less than 10 years since the private sector really got involved in hospitality and retail, sectors previously completely controlled by the state. Can you imagine if the Department of Motor Vehicles was running Nordstrom’s?

As others have suggested, always carry adequate sanitary supplies. Toilet tissue is a rather recent amenity outside of the hotel, and even if you are lucky enough to find it you well never find it in enough quantity or quality to suit most western tastes. It is also commonly pilfered even if it was there to begin with.

Do NOT feed the beggars! As pitiful and grotesque as some may appear, more of this than you realize is self-inflicted to tug at your heartstrings. Those poor little children chasing after you are likely indentured and will see little, if nothing of your cash. Think Oliver Twist. Your constant source of income makes it even harder to police this unsavory crew.

By all means, eat the local cuisine. Sure the Pizza at California Kitchen is as tasty as it is back home, but the garlic crusted pork ribs so famous in Shanghai are to die for. Before you spend too much time trying to find the species and origin of that delicious looking food on your plate, try it! You will be surprised what you actually may like.

Be prepared to negotiate and haggle for most goods and services, but also use common sense. Of course you will pay more than the locals, your annual income is probably many times greater. Also, don’t always believe the stories of other travelers. It is not really possible to get everything at a 70% discount.

Stop buying counterfeit goods on the street, particularly DVD’s and that ridiculous Rolex watch! Your friends and neighbors back home in Washington are constantly fighting this matter, yet you’re the main reason it exists. Besides, the DVD will most likely not work back home unless you bothered to buy a local made player and the Rolex is guaranteed not to keep good time. Look around you in the major cities-the locals are buying the REAL ones.

Get off the beaten path. There are hundreds of thousands of enchanting and memorable venues besides those that the local version of Gray Line recommended. Have your hotel arrange a driver and itinerary and take your camera!

Last but not least, have the journey of a lifetime, for all the ingredients are there.

Lament to a lost Mid-Autumn love

2007-09-19T12:47:00.001-07:00

As the wisp of a moon radiantly swells with each passing autumn night, my very essence twists and turns in waves of torment and anguish. Deep inside me the passion and the hunger grow more intense with each passing hour, and the pain of separation weighs heavy on my heart. As I look back on our life together, from that breathtaking moment your alluring smile first captivated my soul in the bustling night markets of Shanghai to our last torrid encounter together on a haze chocked Singapore night, I am overcome with a torrent of emotion like no other has brought before you, and perhaps no one will ever again. Oh my lover, my epicurean Aphrodite, the comforter of my weary and troubled soul, where are you?

It is only a few short days until the luminous light of a pregnant autumn moon baths over the landscape and yet, thousands of miles and an eon of time have forced themselves between us. From deep within, my inner being shouts out the anguished cry, “Where are you my precious Moon Cake?” Ah, my lovely little moon cake, you tantalizing concoction of salty egg and sweet red bean paste adorned with a tapestry of lard-laden dough! Who would have ever thought I would miss you so much?

Oh, I know you will doubt the sincerity of this humble confession, for my words and my deeds of before belied any hint of affection or tender feeling toward you. Those times I spoke of you in the same breath as garish and hideous Father’s Day ties and stale and tasteless Christmas fruitcakes must of hurt you to the core. The fact that I often took you in my arms only to pass you off to another was indeed a despicable and heartless act, and one that I know you can never forgive. You must still bear the scars from the countless times I cast you aside with the same insensitivity of tossing rubbish in a bin. My “on and off” romance with those brightly colored and tawdry jelly-skinned imposters and that passionate, but short-lived, love affair with your cool, unnaturally sophisticated ice cream sisters, all decked out in their faux-Danish attire, were reason enough to turn your heart cold. I must admit, with each passing year that you showered me with countless wishes for harmony and longevity I became more callous and soon lost any sense of gratitude for your annual blessing, driving you further and farther away.

Now as I sit here in loneliness, unable to find even a hint of joy in the doughnuts, bagels and Tasty Kakes that surround me, or even those charlatans we whore after me from websites in San Francisco or New York, I must bring myself to accept the stark reality that only you, a genuine moon cake, born from the hands of the Goddess of Immortality and infused with blessings of abundance and togetherness with family and friends, can sate my hungry and empty soul.

To my friends out there, may you and your family share in a wonderful and Happy Mid Autumn Festival. 中秋节快乐!

P.S. Please send moon cakes!

The overlooked consequences of "bad customer" service

2007-09-17T15:16:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I more or less wasted 30 minutes at a “Major” department store whose promise to me is “outstanding service is our goal”. How did that happen? Perhaps it was partly because of tight margins and the time of day; it seems the management had arranged that the number of customers eager to buy something outnumbered those eager to make that happen by about 30:1. But that small matter aside, I think most of the waste could be attributed to another case of customer service gone awry involving a “Schemer”, a blender of questionable origin, and a Sales Associate who had been brainwashed that even in the face of compelling evidence to the contrary, the customer is always right. I’ll get back to that in a moment.

No matter what product or service today, the intensive competition for your and my dollar has driven the mantra that the “Customer is King” to sometimes absurd levels, if you have any doubts watch some of the wildly hilarious Read the mission statement, value proposition or strategic plan of almost any business and somewhere you will find the well-worn statement, “we are committed to making our customers satisfied/successful/healthy/(fill in the blank)”. Many companies and service providers today consider their skills (or unfortunately, lack of in some cases) in providing customer service is the most important factor in setting them apart from their competition.

This almost biblical canon of “customer satisfaction is our most important goal” has been drummed into our brain, and today’s well-informed customer expects, or maybe the better word is “demands”, that the experience of our product or service will exceed any before it. In fact, there is s a good measure of truth behind the value of a happy customer. Numerous studies and research have shown that it is far less costly to keep a customer than it is to find a new one and an unhappy customer is known to tell far more people of his or her “horrible” experience than a happy one. With the newly found power of the Internet, an unhappy customer can soon become your worst nightmare. So while much of our focus today is on keeping the customer happy, little is mentioned of the other equally challenging reasons besides satisfied/dissatisfied that can make a customer difficult.

To anyone who has ever owned or managed a business, worked in retail (may God bless your troubled soul), worked in the hospitality or travel industry or even sold the unwanted remnants of this year’s housecleaning on Ebay, the chance that you have encountered a difficult customer is quite high.

When most of us hear the term “difficult customer”, our first reaction is to think of an angry customer, someone whose expectations have not been met, and whose unhappiness is genuinely linked to the failure or shortcomings of our product or service. In fact those are the ones we can most easily deal with in a systematic and usually successful way, if we follow some basic principles.

1. Make sure you have a system in place to prevent problems to begin with. A legitimate quality control program, employee training and a view of continuously working to improve your products and services are the foundation of any successful venture.
2. Approach the situation as if you where the customer, and show at least some empathy. Would you be happy if you found a fly sharing your Margarita or that your iPod just erased a lifelong collection of your favorite tunes?
3. Don’t personalize the situation. This is of course difficult to do when someone is angrily spouting an explicative laced diatribe in your direction, but your ability to keep your composure will triumph in the end.
4. Reach a common understanding with the customer of what exactly was wrong with your product or service and deal only with solving that issue. The fact that your customer’s newly repaired car just went up in flames on the freeway is good enough reason she is in a bad mood, but there is little you can do about that. You can however replace or repair her charred cell phone.
5. Apologize. The simple words “I am sorry”, while not admitting guilt or cause, can go a long way toward diffusing most rational people’s anger.
6. Fix the problem. If you cannot, or if your employer has not empowered you to do so, find someone who can as quickly as possible. The most annoying and damaging act in the face of any customer complaint is the act of unaccountability.
7. Once a resolution has been reached, ask the customer to acknowledge it. Once the resolution has been acknowledged, offer a small gift as compensation for the inconvenience. A discount on future purchases not only shows your sincerity but also may win you another chance to gain the customer’s confidence.
8. Follow up, if possible, to make sure that the problem was indeed solved. A certain company has won my lifetime loyalty on the back of a well placed phone call asking if their recently repaired product was still working and if I had any further problems.

But what about those equally challenging and difficult customers- the rude “Bullies”, The Schemers, The perpetually Unhappy, and the Cherry Pickers? A prudent application of Pareto’s law will generally show that this small group consumes a disproportionate amount of your efforts and, in the end, are unlikely to bring long term benefits to your business anyway. How to deal with this motley cast of characters?

My experience yesterday was a great opportunity to learn from. Here was an overly polite, but outwardly aggressive mother, bratty child in tow, with a blender that was obviously used and devoid of any packaging, sales receipt or even a hint that it actually was purchased in this store. She of course wanted to, “just return it since it never did work right, and yes, she know the store policy was not to return cash, but they could just credit the price of a new one on her charge card”. Bloody hell! Who in their right mind would expect this to happen? Well, the overworked (and wrongly trained) clerk spent 30 minutes trying to find someone to help make this woman “satisfied” rather than uttering the correct “No way” and kept me, an honest customer, waiting in the process.

The simple answer is you don’t deal with them. Train your employees and yourself as best you can to recognize them and make it known that they are not welcome on your customer list. This is of course far easier to say than to do as you always run the risk that you might have unfairly categorized someone. But if you follow the above steps and you are still confronted with an angry and belligerent face in front of you, the odds are pretty good that you have found one of these unsavory few. And if that is the case, distance you and your business as far from them as quickly as you can. No amount of good intentions or effort will be enough and there is nothing to gain by trying; in fact, you just might lose a “real” customer in the process.

Why I am unlikely to ever make Vice President

2007-09-15T19:01:00.000-07:00

While browsing through a list of available jobs recently I came upon the following title, Vice President, Omissions and Errors. My god! Is Cheney up for replacement, is his heart on the fritz again? Who would have thought George W. would have to go looking on Monster.com?

Of course my curiosity got the best of me and I used up 30 minutes or so of my life learning what a VP of Omissions and Errors actually did. It turns out Errors and Omissions is a niche field of insurance that covers consequence damages and liability caused by the mistakes of others, primarily professionals like doctors, lawyers, architects and software developers, so the VP must help someone run that area. Hmmm, with my new found knowledge, now I am left wondering does the team in the White House have ample coverage but that is another matter.

So where is this going? For those readers who have not yet been corrupted by the business virus, a few decades ago companies discovered that a well-timed upgrade in title substituted for monetary reward, or at least coupled with less monetary reward, seemed to contribute to improved job satisfaction, and thus better performance. In the extreme of cases, the net cost was little more than the price of a box or two of business cards. As both a practitioner as well as recipient of this clever ploy, I have to admit that bestowing a lofty title along with a little, immediately gratifying, cash does tend to make one more productive, and motivated, at least in the short run. I guess those management experts like Herzberg and Locke were on to something; recognition is a powerful stroke to our fragile egos, and a snappy new title is a one great way to recognize.

Soon, this idea spread like wildfire and everyone was a “specialist”, consultant, manager, executive (fill in the blank), associate or VP. Now, My coffee is brewed by a Barista, the cashier in the men’s section is my Couture Consultant, the guy from Chemlawn who spreads fertilizer is a Senior Turf Technician, the hooker canvassing the local casino likes to be called a Guest Relations Representative, and most corporate offices today have more VP’s than parking spots in the corporate lot. And that takes me to my point, so what is the deal with Vice Presidents anyway, what exactly does a VP do, and where is the President? Ever think about that? Vice in this context means in place of somebody, but who is that somebody anyway? The company that was looking for that VP of Errors and Omissions doesn’t have a President for Errors and Omissions, why do they need a Vice President? Ok, I understand the concept of VP and General Manager, or VP and Division Manager, or VP and Director of (whatever), but VP by itself? Come on!

My meager understanding is that a President is the leader and the one who is responsible for taking charge and making decisions. A Vice President is then someone that supports this person if logic follows. But maybe I got it all wrong; maybe the Vice President is really the one who is in charge, but by being only a Vice President, it makes it easier for us to believe that in the end, it was someone else’s fault, particularly if the outcome is not so spectacular or those well formulated plans did not work out so well. Hmm, maybe a VP is not a bad title to have after all. It sure makes it easier to pass on the blame.

Just a standard deviation or two from happiness!

2007-09-14T14:03:00.000-07:00

I read a headline in a business journal recently that said, "Happy people are productive people"-now that is an interesting thought, but maybe it is the other way around.

Happiness has intrigued mankind since time immortal, and while there are as many definitions of happiness as there are philosophers and prophets, the most commonly held is that happiness comes from within when we do something that we feel matters to ourselves or to others. Are happy people then productive people? Recent works in the field of positive psychology have certainly shown that the converse of this statement, productive people are more happy, to be largely true. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, a psychologist at the University of Chicago makes a strong case in his book "Finding Flow" that we are happiest when we are actively engaged in an activity that is challenging and requires a degree of skill and commitment.

Since wealth is the usual reward for productivity, many people link money and happiness. Even the philosopher and economist Adam Smith reasoned that the delusion held by most people that wealth brought happiness was the single most important motivator for people to produce and consume enough to sustain an economy. No matter the work, whether working to get a degree, working in a job, or “working” on the street, money or wealth is usually what drives us to finish the job. But is it really that simple?

Most of us, at least those who have the time and resources to be here reading and writing on the Net have solved the food and shelter problems, and probably have managed to acquire considerable “stuff” that we just knew would make us happier. And while some may still work in repetitive, boring jobs, many of us have been able to find work that allows us to feel we have some control over the process. But as I climbed higher up the food chain of wealth, I found it harder to “earn” each new degree of happiness. Most research shows citizens of wealthy nations are happier than those of developing nations, but citizens of super wealthy nations are not really more happy than their less wealthy cousins, perhaps in some small measure due to the fact that what they are now “producing” has little or no challenge or the marginal increase it brings in stuff no longer motivates. If your passion is driving, does a Ferrari bring you a huge amount more pleasure than a Lambrogini?

There are countless stories of those who have been wealthy and, by most measures, productive; but claim true happiness came only after they found work, in whatever form, that matched their passion and made them feel that what they were doing really made a difference in the world. The worker slaving away in some sweatshop in India may be no less happy than you are I because that job, however marginalizing and demeaning the conditions, allows him or her to feed and shelter a family, which is certainly a strong reason to be happy. It seems to me then that happiness does not drive productivity, but rather productivity drives happiness. I know for myself that I am most happy when I believe what I am doing really matters beyond this month's P&L statement. But, maybe thats just me.

The Art of Business Drinking in China-How to avoid death by 1,000 cups!

2007-09-13T20:07:00.000-07:00

Since negotiation stuff seems to be on my mind-this HAS to be be next.

When it comes to eating and drinking, particularly drinking, there are few who can hold a cup to that epicurean giant called China. For more than 4,000 years, congenial cups of wine have been the inspiration for many of its great poets and artists. The examples of the role of alcohol in ancient Chinese culture are sometimes even outrageous. Li Bai (李白), one of the most cherished and influential poets in ancient Chinese history is purported to have drown after falling into the murky waters of the Yangtze River while trying to embrace the reflection of the moon. In Li's classic, "Amidst the Flowers, A Jug of Wine" he ironically and eloquently foretold his untimely demise. Even the great literary work "The Romance of the Three Kingdoms" is infused with booze and its consequences in almost every chapter. Suffice it to say, every major event shaping the rich history of China's past and present was likely conceived under a backdrop of food and plenty of drink. A highly entertaining essay pompously titled "Grandiose Survey of Chinese Alcoholic Drinks and Beverages" can be found at www.jiangan.edu.cn/zhgjiu/umain.htm for those who wish to study this relationship in great intellectual detail. No matter the occasion, whether birth or death, success or failure, conquest or defeat, wedding or divorce, an ample supply of alcohol is always on hand to lend support to the emotions of the moment. Needless to say, China and drinking go together like traffic and weather, and no more so than in the world of business.

When it comes to business, getting blind, dumb drunk, or at least reasonably intoxicated, remains still an important factor in building friendships and trust among business partners in China. While the increasing popularity of golf as a bridge to build relations has made a healthy dent in the alcohol fueled courtships of the past, in the world of business, an evening of pounding down shot after shot of grain alcohol still remains the SOP to success. Why? My own view is that getting sloshed together quickly breaks down barriers; you laugh, you sing, and the tongue is soon freed of the shackles of convention, allowing both sides to openly discuss matters at hand, provided of course the translator remains sober. Whether the occasion is seeking an important approval from a governmental body, the beginning or end of a negotiation, the celebration of a milestone in your business, or to motivate and recognize your staff, the desired outcome is more quickly reached over good food accompanied by huge quantities of alcohol.

Unfortunately, this is not without sometimes-tragic circumstances, as this recent news article so explicitly illustrates.

BEIJING, Oct 24 2006 (Reuters Life!) – "Five Chinese power bureau officials have been dismissed or demoted after an auditor died from a series of banquet binges, the Shanghai Daily reported on Tuesday. The death of Zhang Hongtao, 25, who worked with the Yanshan County Audit Office in northern Hebei province, was blamed on alcohol after banquets provided in April for auditors by the Yanshan Power Supply Co., the newspaper said. Instead of working, Zhang did little else but eat, drink, play cards and enjoy massages".

What a helluva way to go; Eating, drinking and massaging (insert sexual fantasies of your liking) yourself to death! As tragic as this incident is, it serves to remind that even today excesses of food and drink, especially drink, remain embedded in the business culture of China.

So, for those planning travel to China for business, or even working in China someday, it will be impossible to avoid completely an occasional moment of drunken debauchery, short of declaring a medical condition, an effective practice, but one that causes a great deal of suspicion on the part of your Chinese host. In the course of your dining and drinking adventures in China, one word you will learn all too quickly is "gan bei", which literally translates to dry glass or bottoms up! At every opportunity you will be toasted; toasts to your health, the health of the economy, the health of your family, the longevity of your friendship, the health of your dog, the list is endless. At the end of each toast, your host will shout out those gut retching (No, it IS NOT a misspelling) words, "gan bei", and you are expected to drain the contents of your glass, no matter it be an ounce or two of pure ethanol or a liter of tepid beer. The implications of a not heeding your host's invitation are severe; usually requiring you to quaff another 2-3 glasses in succession due to your oversight. As a seasoned (or is it pickled?) veteran of more than enough bouts of "ganbei", I want to share my knowledge, and hopefully, a bit of savvy advice on the often-entertaining experience of business drinking, as well as my time tested "six strategies" for survival drinking.

First, what will you be up against as you survey the quartet of glasses flanking your plate at lunch or dinner? The "official beverages" at any major banquet are of those "Four Horseman of Alcohol"; the dark and potent huang jiu (黄酒), a sweetly seductive sherry like wine fermented from rice, the ominous bai jiu (白酒), a lively clear spirit distilled from a potpourri of grains that flows so freely at most events, pi jiu (啤酒) or beer as we like to call it, and in the increasing more sophisticated cities, pu tao jiu (葡萄酒), the more palatable, usually red, grape wine. Yes, depending on the level of "friendship" you are trying to reach, it is not uncommon to ingest equal doses of all four over the course of the night, creating compelling evidence the next morning supporting the cautionary advice not to mix alcohols.

Since the common (and most dangerous) beverage of choice is bai jiu, first the scoop on this nasty little beast. Bai jiu translates to "white wine" and it is distilled from a pungent combination of sorghum, wheat, millet, rice and barley, a far cry from what most westerners deem wine to be. The percentage of alcohol ranges from 32% to as high as 67% and the effect of too many glasses is mind numbing to say the least. Although each province of China boasts its own distinctive brand, the most famous is Mao Tai, which comes from Guizhou province in the southern part of China. Another notable source is Sichuan province, famous for its spicy food and equally spicy women, and home to literally hundreds of brands, including those perennial members of the "National Famous Alcohol Drinks List", Luzhou Lao Jiu and Wu Liang Yie.

Second on the list is huang jiu, with a taste akin to a well made Madeira or vermouth. This sly beverage is known for putting many unsuspecting neophytes face down in their plate mid way through dinner if consumed too quickly, a mildly amusing pastime of your Chinese hosts. Ranging in color from pale amber to dark chocolate, huang jiu's honey like sweetness belies its alcohol content of 14-21% and it is often served warm with a garnish of slivered ginger or salty dried plum, further increasing the impact. Huang jiu was originally produced by fermenting rice together with a hint of wheat in large earthen vessels, where aging enhanced its tantalizing earthy flavor. Sometimes the wine is mixed with various herbs and botanicals, supposedly fortifying its already highly touted medicinal and aphrodisiac properties, important qualities in the male dominated world of business. Again, there are literally thousands of brands, but the finest and most famous are the wines of Shao Xing in ZheJiang province. Huang jiu coupled with the rich cuisine of eastern China such as hairy crab, crab roe and bean curd with egg yolk sauce, and braised sweet pork fat is truly gastronomical experience of the highest order, but remember to bring the beta blockers!

The last two "Horsemen" are the more familiar beer and wine which we are all familiar with. However, the drinking of each does have a few peculiarities unique to China that you need to be aware of. First, it is fundamental to warn that beer is almost always served at room temperature! Requesting a cold beer will usually either bring a prompt "mei you" (don't have) from the serving staff or, even worse, you will soon find a chunk of frozen water floating in your suds. Another bit of useful knowledge is that literally every city, town and village has their own brewery and you will be subjected to a host of libations under the alias of "beer". Wine, or grape wine, is a relatively recent addition to the banquet table, but is increasingly become the beverage of choice due to its touted health benefits as well as the aura of "sophistication" associated with wine, particularly French wines. Har dee har har!! Most of the so-called French wines so aggressively marketed at most dining establishments are either bottled plunk or wines that have been thoroughly "cooked" in a steel shipping container, where temperatures can soar over 40_ C for days on end. But, it is French wine, and we ALL know that French wine is the "best", alas, the experience of tasting a truly fine Bordeaux remains elusive to most. Perhaps these quality deficiencies are partly to blame for the incongruous practice of mixing wine and carbonated lemon/lime sodas that is so popular. In fairness, many professional wine merchants have made great inroads in China and it is increasingly possible to find good wine on the table. China also produces some truly fantastic wines of its own, and the safe bet is to always go local if the choices are brands such as Zhang Yu, Dragon Seal, and XinJiang Luo Lan. All are are well craft dry red wines that are very drinkable, and if your host offers up any of these you are in for a pleasant treat. The only downside is you will again be confronted with that annoying ritual of "gan bei", where rather than savoring the subtle nuance of the grapes, you are required to hurl the contents down your throat in the least time possible. Now to those rascally little drinking rituals you will almost always encounter.

The most common ritual is what I call "Ever Expanding Circle of Friends" where each and every member of the host's party, up to and including the driver of the mini bus who brought you there, wants to share a toast with you personally in honor of your new found friendship. Considering that the number of "new friends" can easily fill that mini bus, needless to say, you go down quickly if drawn into this vicious game. Another practice to avoid is "Frat House Party", so popular when beer is the main drink. Typical, after the usual formal toasts, someone stands to makes a heartfelt toast to your health and good fortune and then all stand and in unison guzzle a full liter of warm beer. The first to finish is honored by a round of cheers from the rest of the table and is normally challenged to a new round by the most inebriated of the group. This goes on until most of the table is back in the washrooms hurling chunks, giving added significance to the toast for good health that started the whole affair.

Finally, if you are one of those Alpha males or females who must win at all costs, always be vigilant of the ubiquitous, unassuming and matronly looking lady with the outdated wardrobe and gigantic eyeglasses. In China, the talent to consume huge quantities of alcohol is equally distributed across gender lines. In fact, some of my most infamous trips under the table (metaphorically speaking of course) were at the hands of a woman. She will lull you into her evil game of tit for tat and your last memory before you drift off into unconsciousness will be the smug smile on her lips as she places her again empty glass on the table.

To help you successfully navigate this treacherous torrent of ethanol I want to share "Lao Ke's Six Strategies for Survival Drinking", in order of effectiveness. Rest assured, these have been rigorously tested over a number of years and fine-tuned to perfection in hundreds, maybe even thousands of field trails, and are sure to help the uninitiated emerge mostly unscathed.

1. ALWAYS make the second toast under any circumstances. First, find the
largest vessel available, preferably with a capacity of at least 8 ounces (.25 l) and fill it to the brim with bai jiu. Request that your hosts do the same and bellow out "gan bei" as you drain your glass, spilling as much as possible on the way. Immediately repeat this process. This action plays on the element of fear that you might just be some sort of "wine ghost" and will quickly temper most everyone's appetite for further reckless drinking.

2. If you are fortunate enough to be accompanied by junior staff, promptly designate the least needed as your proxy. His or her job is to intercept all incoming "Circle of Friendship" glasses with the speed and efficiency of a heat-seeking missile. Depending on the size of your party you may need to also nominate a back up, as it is likely your initial nominee will be lost sometime mid-way through dinner.

3. Make sure to carry a large handkerchief and make generous use of your napkin. After each successive "gan bei" carefully feign a swallow while maintaining the liquid in your mouth. Quickly take up your napkin or handkerchief as if to wipe your lips and deposit as much as possible into the cloth, carefully wringing out the content on the floor. This of course does carry a risky side consequence of a massive fire should one of the hundreds of cigarettes that accompany dinner accidentally ignites the vapor.

4. Bring several liters of high quality, aged tequila and prior to dinner present this as a gift to your host as a token of your appreciation for the exquisite hospitality you have been given. Enthusiastically suggest that the tequila unseat the ubiquitous bai jiu; in fact insist on this as a gesture of your friendship and good will. Your hosts will be lulled into believing that the smoothness of this foreign spirit must mean it has no punch and they will continue to copiously sip, unaware of the mayhem to follow. The awkward hugs and sloppy kisses of gratitude you will be showered with later that evening will remain one of your fondest memories.

5. After each fill of your glass immediately beginning fondling the glass, spilling as much of the content as possible onto the table while maintaining constant eye contact with the rest of party at your table. This requires a high degree of eye-hand coordination, as you do not want to be caught in the act, and sometimes requires large cash payouts to the serving staff to avoid constant refilling. Unfortunately, this tactic is limited to the less visible spirits as in the case of red wine the telltale stain emanating from under your plate will be a dead giveaway. Also please be aware of the fire hazard that was discussed in 3 above.

6. Lastly, but often fostering suspicion of your character, carry a properly labeled vial, with some vague warnings of the risk of drinking alcohol while taking the original contents still clearly visible, which is filled with a number of harmless placebos. Boisterously announce your affinity for drinking and your utter disappointment that your doctor has temporarily asked you to abstain until this potentially fatal condition has been cured. This is of course a significant impediment to building a deep and meaningful friendship and should be used sparingly.

Tongue in cheek aside, a banquet in this warmly hospitable and cultured nation can easily become one of your most cherished memories, particularly if you are
still able to remember it! More importantly, the frequent sharing of food and drink, especially drink, is a fundamental step to building strong working relationships in China. Hopefully this little bit of advice will make sure that all happens.

Gan Bei!

Never under pay the translator!-and other lessons for negotiation in Asia

2007-09-12T09:22:00.000-07:00

Our beleaguered and beloved Commander in Chief of Verbal Blunder was once again the subject of controversy ahead of the APEC summit last week in Sydney. A rather testy exchange ensued when his Excellency G. W. Bush was pressed by President Roh of South Korea to explain again his position on ending the Korean War. The official reason for their public display of disharmony was later chalked up to bad translation. That would mean that the state department of the world’s largest economy and its counterpart from the world’s 12th largest, with months to prepare for this summit, flat out blew it. For those of you who have absolutely no idea (or perhaps, interest) of how that could have happened, the answer is it probably DID NOT happen, but it was a wonderful excuse that allowed both leaders to save face. Regardless of the actual correctness or lack of correctness of the translation, this incident does highlight how important translation, not only of words but also ideas, is to the success of negotiations between parties with different culture, values and languages.

Without question, we are well into an era of rising Asian influence, particularly in business and world affairs, and we need to face the fact that our future success may well be determined by how well we can bridge the cultural and language differences this presents. Having spent over a decade negotiating my way through business and life in the Middle Kingdom, I learned a great deal about how little I understood my Asian counterparts, be they Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese or Korean. While I was by some measures successful, I also learned to be modest enough not to claim expert status; however some of the lessons I learned I believe are worth sharing.

Here is my “top 11”, and although there are many other lists of this nature, perhaps far better and more comprehensive than mine, I think you will find mine valuable in its candor, as well as my emphasis on “don’t” rather than “do”.

1. Don’t ever believe what you see or hear. This is “the” cardinal rule of doing business in most of Asia. Why? Most westerners are so eager to find the mother lode, be it a reliable low-cost supplier, an efficient channel to the market, an original Ming dynasty antique or an “insider” with power to name a few, that they leave common sense in the overhead bin on departure. There are hundreds of brick and mortar buildings born from a can of paint, and Kim Jong Il is one helluva golfer! Yes your competitor’s price is lower, but that was from a decade ago and the freight was not included.

2. Don’t EVER take yes for an answer. Yes means maybe or perhaps even no, but seldom means yes. Maybe means yes, no or maybe, just maybe. There is really no no, but you will soon learn which yes or maybe means no. The concept of courtesy you are familiar with does not extend to negative answers, the other party’s does. Admittedly, it does feel a whole lot better to hear maybe rather than no.

3. Don’t be in such a hurry. Your perception of time was shaped by “The One-Minute Manager” and 60-second sound bites, and the other party’s biggest advantage is knowing the return date on your ticket, which you so generously offer up in the opening round. Think millenniums, generations and how auspicious is this month anyway?

4. Don’t ever get too full of yourself. Sure, that police escort from the airport was cool and that was probably the first (and maybe last time) in your life a mayor met you on the tarmac, but get a grip. The “mayor” is one of a dozen or so vice mayors whose principal job is just that and the police escort was less for you than for him. Yes, you were on television at 1am this morning, and no, the translation did not have any resemblance to what you actually said. By the way, that cousin of Chairman Mao you had lunch with is a bit more distant than you might have been led to believe.

5. Don’t underpay your translator. It is wonderful you have installed Babelfish on your laptop, not to mention you have spent hours honing your Vietnamese with that honey you met at the bar, but the truth of the matter is, unless this is your native language you will be hopelessly clueless in most negotiations. A loyal and dependable native speaker is worth his or her weight in gold when it comes time to finalize the deal if you have any hope of keeping your shirt. Your “no” can easily become “yes”, and those meeting notes you just signed can and will be used against you when your company’s trademark suddenly appears on a new line of condoms.

6. Don’t ever believe anyone across the table from you has the authority to decide anything other than where to go for lunch. The real decision maker is busy on far more important matters than yours and will be briefed on your discussions later, maybe. Your chances of this happening are far higher if you heeded lesson 3 by the way.

7. Don’t ignore or anger that grumpy old man at the end of the table who seems to always be sleeping. I know the books you read and the experts you talked to all emphasized the importance of protocol and that the person directly across from you was likely your equal, and he probably is, but that grumpy old man was sent by the chairman to keep an eye on your equal.

8. Don’t try too hard to prove you deserved your MBA. Your frequent use of ROCE, ROI, EBITDA, LBO, opportunity cost, linear regression modeling, NPV, DCF and functional matrix worked pretty good on your resume but the multi-taskers you are facing now march to a different drum altogether. You will be wise to keep terms simple and easy to understand. This also greatly reduces the chance that your own shallow knowledge is exposed under intense efforts to explain what your version of DCF really means.

9. Don’t be offended when your host suggests a visit to the barbershop after a particularly tough and long round of talks. No, he is not mocking your latest take on the mullet; in fact, it is not very likely the barbershop he has in mind even cuts hair. Assuming you are a male, there are known weaknesses that are universal and this one can be particularly difficult to defend (wink, wink!). If so, politely decline. This also applies to the “Curious incident of the knock on the door in the middle of the night” as well as various adventures at Karaoke.

10. Don’t call your boss and gleefully announce that the contract will be signed “tomorrow”. Matter of fact; don’t even spend much time writing the contract. First, tomorrow has different meanings (see Lesson 2) and second, those words on paper are just a record of a particular moment in time of a young, but promising, relationship. The legal department may not completely understand that either.

11. Don’t ask too many questions about the origin or species of what lies on your plate. Try it first and then ask question later. You will be surprised how many ways you can cook a grasshopper and your gastronomical adventures will dominate the next cocktail party back home. Bon Appetit!

Another "Happy Meal" served with a smile!

2007-09-09T11:29:00.000-07:00

(click on TItle for link to story)

No, I don't have any particular affiliation with or grudge against McDonalds-it just gives me unbelievable inspirations sometimes.

Having worked in the FF industry in my youth for 4.2 of the longest hours in my fairly long life, I can pretty much imagine how this whole thing went down! "I just fucked up dat Po Po's chick'n and cornbread and cornbread, ya know das right! Do ya feel me suga?"

And a question to our friends in criminal justice out there. Is too much sugar in the donut equally offensive? I am just curious of course.

Negotiation 101-what I learned at the wet market

2007-09-08T14:12:00.000-07:00

The propensity and power to successfully negotiate shows up early in life. Ask any parent whose argument against buying that particular toy has been mercilessly dissected by the patient, well-reasoned logic of their 6 year old child if you have any doubts. The practice of negotiation is older than Methuselah and is used consciously and unconsciously almost every time we speak to one another, whether to buy something, to borrow something or even to beg something, such as those generally unfruitful efforts with the traffic police. The story line is pretty much the same in any case; one party wants something that the other party has the power to provide, and both parties want the final deal to favor their own interest. Even that sacred act of marriage is only consummated after a usually tough round of give and take.

Most successful negotiators will be the first to tell you that good negotiation is
more art than science, and the act of negotiation is as good of a test of your character as any other. Emotions, ethics, empathy, tolerance, patience, perseverance, honesty and prepared are words that I most associate with negotiation. And while there are tomes of books and thousands of seminars that promise to teach you negotiation skills, my own experience and observation is the best lessons in negotiation can be found in Asia, and there are no better teachers than the hordes of housewives who daily browse through the wet markets to buy fresh vegetables for dinner. Lets take an imaginary trip along with one such housewife and I think you will get the picture.

First, there is a very clear objective or preconception of what will happen. Vegetables are needed for dinner. The household favorite is spinach and that is what she looking for, but there are other vegetables that are also good, so if the spinach is not fresh or the cost is too high, kale or broccoli will do just as well.

Next is to consider how much time she has to buy the vegetables. The day is still young but she doesn't want to spend more than a couple of hours at the market, and lots of this time will be used up already chatting with friends and neighbors. Of course some of this chatting will be talk of who has the freshest and least costly spinach today.

Now she needs to decide where to buy the spinach and she needs more than one option to get the best deal. She already knows where to find the freshest and most tender spinach from her chatting and browsing.

OK, here it gets more difficult. She needs to determine what the other party expects or needs to complete the deal; in this case, what price the farmer is willing to sell his
spinach today. Of course this is never easy because she doesn't know how the farmer's day is going, and she has never bought from farmer "A" before either, so she is not sure how is his style, but needs to find out. The conversation probably goes something like this:

Housewife: Those are nice carrots you have, how much are they today?
Farmer A: These are the best carrots in the whole county. I want you to buy them so
I give you a special price of only 5 Yuan a bunch.
Housewife: Oh! That is so expensive. I can buy them over there for only 2 Yuan.
Farmer A: But those carrots are not as good as mine. But you are a nice lady and I
want you to buy my carrots so I will give you a special price of 3 Yuan.
Housewife: Oh! Still too expensive!
Farmer A: My carrots are the best. It cost me 2 Yuan to grow them. The best price is
already to low! But, if you will be two bunches I can give you a small discount, 5 Yuan for both.
Housewife: Hahaha! You are a robber instead of a farmer, still too expensive! How
much is that spinach you have? Is it made of gold also?
Farmer A: The spinach is same price as carrots.
Housewife: Golden carrots and golden spinach! Ai Yah!
Farmer A: Ok, you seem to be a nice person and I want you to buy my carrots. How
much can you pay?

The housewife then walks away with disinterest, generally with the farmer still asking,
"how much you will pay, what is your price?" The savvy housewife will say nothing of
course, as she is not yet ready to buy, and by doing nothing, she has remained flexible in reaching a deal. She has however established her bottom line indirectly to the farmer when she claimed to be able to buy at the price somewhere else. This process is repeated at the next stall, with variations of course, unless there is some clandestine "farmer cartel " operating in the background, until the housewife has determined as best she can which farmer is likely to give her the best deal.

Notice she has not yet committed or even hinted at her bottom line, but she has gotten a very good sense of each farmer's bottom line and style of negotiation. Now it is time to buy the spinach and go home. Farmer A seemed eager to sell his carrots and his spinach was pretty good, so back to Farmer A's stall.

Housewife: You seem rather slow today so maybe I will buy some of your carrots and
maybe some spinach too. I will give you 3 Yuan for one bunch of carrots and one bunch of spinach. Ok?
Farmer A: Hahaha! I can make no money at that price! It is getting late so just for
you, I give you both for 4.5 Yuan.
Housewife: Here is 3.5 Yuan in my hand. Take it and give me the vegetables.
Farmer A: Oh, too cheap! Give me 4 Yuan.

Our outwardly irritated housewife begins to walk away and, as she has expertly
calculated from their earlier exchange, the farmer shouts back, " Ok, you are cheating me but I give you both for 3.9 Yuan to save me from having to cart them back home." The housewife comes back then proceeds to find a blemish on 1 or 2 carrots, and after another mildly heated discussion with the farmer, walks away with a bunch of spinach for only 1.9 Yuan.

In reality both parties are reasonably satisfied or the deal would not have been concluded.

Global arms treaties, corporate takeovers and divorce settlements aside; this rather simple exercise teaches the most important fundamentals of negotiation. The interesting but seldom practiced fact is that all things in life are negotiable if you know what you want, make sure you have suitable options, invest some time to carefully study your options, gain an understanding of the other parties needs and are willing and able to walk away if your bottom line is not reached.

Beats shopping at Wal-Mart doesn't it?

Your dream is another's nightmare-yet another view on globalization

2007-09-06T12:30:00.000-07:00

I saw an interesting question recently raised in a forum for debate. The question was “Has globalization hurt American workers?”

It would be wonderful if the answer to this question was as simple as the question itself, but perhaps that is the challenge, making a very complex answer simple. At first sight, the pairing of globalization with worker always conjures up an uncomfortable vision of displaced jobs, so the majority will quickly opt to say yes, globalization is harmful to American workers. But globalization is far more complex than just the transfer of some jobs overseas and outsourcing of others. Globalization is a standardization of processes and procedures, to some degree you could even argue it is a “dumbing down”, of how things are and should be done, and a relaxing of boundaries and barriers to a host of activities, all supported by the ability to transfer knowledge around the globe at the speed of light.

It can be argued globalization is the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde of our economic activities, for it is responsible not only for the fact that socks once made in a North Carolina mill where Great Aunt Sally worked are now woven in Bangladesh, but also for the fact you can buy those socks at the local Wal-Mart for about 1/3 of the cost in real dollar terms of those made by Great Aunt Sally, with equal or better quality and a far greater variety of color and style. And the money we saved on the socks? Well, it will probably go toward buying that new flat screen TV that is all the rage now, even if it is made in China. Globalization has allowed us to feed our seemingly insatiable appetite for more and better goods, funded by easy credit thanks to the savings of the rest of the world, which we plan to pay back with future earnings, which we suddenly find we may or may not realize.

So that seems to be the conundrum that this question begs us to solve. Globalization is both harmful and helpful, often at the same time, affecting you and I in ways that are unique to our own situation, but does the good outweigh the bad? For that reason, I choose to answer that globalization does hurt many American workers in the short term but that hurt is far from fatal; if anything, the current hurt might be an overdue and much needed wake up call to the change that is necessary now for any prospects of maintaining a competitive niche in the global economy.

Let’s go back to Great Aunt Sally for a moment. Why is the mill closed today? When Great Aunt Sally got her job the only skill she needed was a pair of agile hands and the ability to see and hear, and she had little else to offer. The mill was there because it had moved from its original location in New England where the increased cost of labor and shortage of low skilled workers had made it impossible to compete as a few more farsighted entrepreneurs had discovered they could make socks for less money in North Carolina. And what happened in New England? Well, after a period of a little hurt, the workers with the agile hands learned new skills and begin making toasters and transistor radios and light bulbs. Soon these goods too were under pressure, not only from North Carolina this time, but now also from Japan and Korea, and then Mexico. So again, a little hurt to readjust and retrain, and the New England workers were building instruments, medical devices, and some were even designing chips and writing software or selling derivatives and bond options. Technology was changing rapidly, society had become more mobile, modern highways and railways were being built allowing efficient and economical transportation of goods over greater distances, in fact, we were so efficient and made such great products that most of the world wanted to buy our products and services. For the majority of workers, even with these more frequent and disruptive changes, expectations for a better future were high and some sacrifice was necessary to make that happen. Our lifestyle and our standard of living became not only the “American dream”; it became the “World dream”. In fact, Great Aunt Sally probably even helped this transformation along. She was determined that her sons and daughters would have a better life than she so a share of her earnings, however meager, was put away to help make that possible. I think we all know the rest of the story. Great Aunt Sally’s children not only finished high school, one even went to college, as did some of their friends, and after graduating, all found opportunities far more exciting than watching a loom clack back and forth all day.

Globalization is allowing that very same story to happen today, but for far more people than at any time in history, and Great Aunt Sally’s savings have been replaced in America’s coffers by those from far away places. That universally powerful dream or expectation of a better life is being realized from Bangalore to Bangkok, from Budapest to Beijing, all aided by the standardization and spread of knowledge and the absence of barriers allowing goods and services to flow freely around the world, both such important components of globalization. This hope and aspiration for a brighter future which is driven and fed by globalization allows the industrialized and rich countries to harvest the more plentiful and less costly resources and labor of the developing world which the developing world is willing to temporarily sacrifice in the belief that it will bring a better future. And yes, those sacrifices are not always pretty. Exploitation of labor, environmental degradation, corruption and violation of human rights are a few that quickly come to mind. But how many of us really know or can feel the motivating power of that dream for a better life held by the young seamstress willing to work 12 hours a day/6 days a week to earn $30.00 a month, half of which she will save to insure an even better life for her child. Is it mandatory for us to force our standards and wages as the benchmark when in her country and situation she is better of than most and no less satisfied with her life than we are?

And here lies again the conundrum- we willing and frequently buy and discard the products of that young lady’s cheap labor, often paid for by money borrowed from her savings, all the while complaining that she is hurting our future, all the result of globalization. Of course she would love to have our house, our cars, our clothes, our iPod and our trinkets and, in exchange for the chance to someday realize that dream, she is willing to make them for us under conditions we find demeaning, even letting us borrow her money to buy them, because she has seen what is possible with sacrifice and savings.

My question would be have we, the American worker, reached the end of our dream for a better life? Have we become so addicted to conspicuous consumption that we are no longer willing or able to make sacrifices? Are we no longer able to think of ways to create new and better products? Are we so selfish that we are unwilling to share our dream with the rest of the world? Are there no cures for cancer, AIDS or malaria? Is this the best we can do and have we reached the point where we feel we need to defend it, at all cost, even to the brink of war if that is what it takes in the end? Or has the sock factory just moved again and is it time for the workers to learn a new skill, a skill that will allow them to become more valuable than before?

Karaoke, Khakis and the Art of the Deal: A Businessman's Guide to Karaoke in Asia

2007-09-04T08:59:00.000-07:00

Imagine this.

Two middle-aged “senior” executives, their inhibitions blissfully sleeping under the influence of way too much Chivas and green tea, throw all decorum aside as their vocal chords strain to unleash a heretofore never achieved destruction of "Unchained Melody". Next up, an equally inspired trio with a collective sound strikingly similar to "nails on a chalkboard" who are tenacious in their belief their rendition of Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody", despite their serious melodic challenges and equally poor grasp of English, is the real reason the audience was wildly applauding at the end. As one looks around the packed room, there seems no end in sight to the horrors of sound that might follow as patrons at every table are busily browsing through a seemingly infinite directory of tunes from around the globe, from every genre and generation, searching for that special song they need to sing tonight.

But imagination is optional. Just visit any karaoke lounge in Tokyo, Shanghai, Hanoi or Seoul almost any night of the week and it is possible to witness firsthand this shameless display of raw talent and emotion. Welcome to karaoke Asian style!

Modern karaoke is reputed to have originated in Japan in the early 1970's and is arguably the most popular pastime in Asia. Karaoke has been pegged by many so-called experts on Asian society and social psychology as the much needed relief valve to vent one's feelings of joy, frustration, anger and pain, whether in love or in life; an act normally considered culturally taboo in daily life in Asia. Coming from Japan, a country noted for its lemming-like conformity in hiding emotions, this idea of karaoke as therapy is not so strange. Whether or not karaoke is indeed a psychic healing force remains debatable but one thing is for sure. Day in and night out, whether at home, on the road, or in the literally hundreds of thousands of KTV joints flourishing in the region, karaoke, or at least the karaoke as practiced by our Asian friends, has certainly taken entertainment to a whole new level.

At the commercial level, there are karaoke venues targeting every conceivable subset of society-from young and old, the rich or poor, the prim or promiscuous. My particularly favorite, or at least most familiar, business model targets predominately male patrons, especially those on expense accounts. Set amid a backdrop of high end electronics, plush leather sofas and muted lighting, one can experience this cathartic release of emotion surrounded by a harem of nubile cuties, dressed in low cut black, beige or red chiffon evening gowns clinging to their youthful curves like saran wrap; their principle purpose being to light cigarettes, mix drinks, and shower their gravel voiced patrons with profuse and highly exaggerated compliments on their singing skills and manliness.

Besides a seemingly endless array of commercial establishments, almost every home, from the lowly peasant dwellings of China and Vietnam to the penthouses and palaces of Hong Kong and Kuala Lumpur, is equipped with at least one device capable of putting the wails of the neighbor's cat in heat to shame. With a virtually bottomless price floor for consumer electronics and the proliferation of low cost DVD burners throughout Asia, the pleasure of one's own stage on which to warble to their heart's contentment is now within reach of anyone with access to electricity. From the young and young-at-heart "wannabes" in Tokyo covering the latest pop hits in the chic clubs in Roppongi and Ginza to those old Red Army warriors in Sichuan wailing the heart rendering lyrics of "Ostmanthus Flowers Blooming Everywhere in August" at family dinners, almost no social outing in Asia is complete without at least one round of singing, often evolving into an all night affairs. Karaoke is as deeply engrained in the fabric of society in Asia as khakis are in the business casual wardrobe of America's business elite.

But to a businessman like myself, the most intriguing aspect of karaoke in Asia, particularly when practiced in the man friendly environment described above, is its pervasive influence in successfully concluding a business deal, something I would like to call the ktv-Quotient. Let's consider the following not so hypothetical situation.

Company A has a superior product, excellent after-sales support, the best value and all the trappings of a reliable business partner. Company A's sales effort is led by a seasoned professional who is at the top of his game in every aspect.

Company A's team, although highly skilled in the art of selling, has a very low ktv-quotient and would have a hard time finding their way around a karaoke lounge even with a GPS system.

Company B's product, pricing and service are just so-so, in fact, in some aspects, border on inferior. Its sales pitch and presentation is not that persuasive nor does its team really understand the customer's requirements.

Company B's team has an awesome ktv-quotient, with each member holding a wallet full of VIP cards and all of its staff on a first name basis with the staff at every KTV in town.

Under these conditions, Company B will almost always win the deal, particularly when the time gap between the last visit to KTV hosted by Company B for the customer's predominately male decision makers and the contract signing by the customer's predominantly male decision makers is less than one week. Now why is that? What exactly is it power of this ktv-quotient in closing the deal?

Well, I cannot say for certain, but I think I have a pretty good idea. To share this with you I would like to liberally paraphrase the thoughts of Samantha Culp, found in an interesting article in Asia Sentinel about her experiences as a hostess in Japan. From my own experience and observations I think her insight is spot on.

"Drinking is a huge part of the Asian business culture itself where a staggering percentage of the male populace "staggers" home each night (pun intended). Karaoke and Hostess bars are an important part of this culture that requires obligatory drinking with colleagues after work, and getting wasted with partners to seal a business deal. Drinking comes to signify trust, relaxation and a certain absolution from any adult responsibility. When inebriated, men are almost not accountable for their actions, whether those entail attempting to cop a feel on the train, or to passing out in public after hurling chunks all over the subway platform.

Looking at the clients in the club, the majority are middle-aged, married with children, and in the middle of pretty conventional lives, which begs the question, why were they here? What were they looking for?

Of course the bevy of beautiful and sexy young attendants play no small part. Yes, they want the fantasy of sex, but also they want the fantasy of romance, of a "perfect" ageless girlfriend, always ready for drinking, flirtation and fun, but who disappears at the end of the night, no strings attached. They want a world apart from the daily grind of the working world, where they could be simultaneously children and kings of the castle. Especially in the world of salarymen or corporate staff, where most were not as powerful or as rich as they had trained to be, they wanted a place where they could still command awe and respect, if only by spending $20.00 on a dish of stale Pringles or impressing their peers with an earthy performance of "Feelings" that would make Morris Albert proud"

So there it is. The ktv-quotient is 1 part play, 1 part fantasy and 2 parts, in the immortal words of Aretha Franklin, R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Those late deliveries, mistaken invoices and shoddy goods can all be worked out later between friends because in spite of everything, the good intent was there to begin with wasn't it? And we are friends aren't we (?), because only friends would allow friends to get drunk and sing karaoke.

So as karaoke's recent rise in popularity in the US suggests, along with its supporting cast of the likes of "American Idol" and the "Singing Bee", it may only be a matter of time before your local latte hangout not only offers WIFI but also the tools you need to work out the kinks in your version of "My Way". With that in mind, here are some thoughts for you road warriors out there to ponder. Will those polished and well-practiced PowerPoint presentations extolling your features and benefits soon be subordinated in the laptop to the list of latest hot lyrics? Are those front row seats for the Knick's games soon to be replaced by a corporate table at Sing Sing? Is the HR department already looking for a reliable measure of ktv-Quotient to add to their immense battery of screening tests? After all, this is the age of globalizing best practices isn't it?

Sorry, I have to go now and I will leave you to mull over those possibilities. It is my time to work on that technique of hand cupping the mic to maximize the vocal modulations. My coach really thinks I am only a few weeks away from nailing a killer version of "Summer Time".

Have you heard this lately?

2007-09-02T15:52:00.000-07:00

Is globalization harmful or helpful? That seems to be on the mind of many these days. Some would have us believe that Globalization is the new and improved version of colonization, with all the nasty implications of the latter, only more sophisticated in their presentation. Still others tout it as the foundation to a new world order of peace and prosperity for all. Thomas Friedman's seminal work, "The World is Flat" has certainly emerged as the most popular pro-globalization view in most intellectual circles and does indeed make some compelling arguments in favor of globalization. From a more parochial viewpoint, there is a sizable constituent in the US that contend globalization is stealing jobs out from under us and jeopardizing the future of our country. Other nations invert this logic and argue that globalization is rapidly eroding their security as inefficient state owned companies collapse under the pressure of competition, drawing support from the hundreds of thousands of displaced workers that result.

Is globalization the proverbial wolf in sheep’s clothing or is it the final step on the road to a universally better global society? The answer of course depends largely on whom you ask, as this is certainly one of the most emotionally charged and hotly debated issues of our time, but perhaps even more important, the answer I believe depends greatly on “when” you ask. I would argue that globalization is in fact a dual edged sword, whose harm or good can only be judged by its long-term benefit to mankind in general. Clearly, in the short run, its role as a powerful agent of change is a threat to many, and the short-term effects can be disruptive, as most people are threatened by or frightened of change, and to the worker who just lost his job, or the store owner who can no longer compete, or the farmer with no market, the immediate impact is in fact bad, and I believe that these short term economic consequences so easy to personalize are behind most of the support for the negative view. Indeed, it is possible to build strong and compelling arguments, no matter which side you hold as the impact of globalization is fraught with contradictions.

From those rabidly opposed to globalization, no matter their politics, religion or race, one reoccurring theme is the real villains are multinational corporations, often American, in no small part due to the undeniable fact you can enjoy that culinary treat called a "Big Mac", in almost any corner of the world today. This emotionally charged view contends that these corporations are simply fronts by which a few powerful nations impose their political will and cultural norms at the expense of others under the banner of consumerism, destroying local cultures and traditions, even national sovereignty. I find this view particularly interesting. Clearly, icons of American consumer culture, the pinnacle of consumerism, are apparent everywhere we look in the world and this fact alone is, in my viewpoint, the most often cited argument against globalization. But is that fair? For those of you who share my disdain for processed cheese food sandwiched between two slabs of ground meat products and bathed in French dressing before being tucked in a sesame bun, maybe yes. But for the implications this is harmful to world order, probably not. Globalization is not just about having a McDonalds in every city, town and village on the globe; it is about a universal improvement in institutions like healthcare, education and most importantly, the ability to freely communication and share ideas across borders and cultures.

Today's world citizens, on whole, are better informed and better educated than at any time in history. The power of the Internet allows information, good and bad, to pass around the globe at the speed of light, and the development of the World Wide Web has made the dissemination of this information to practically anyone possible. At the same time, rapid advances in microelectronics and wireless data transmission technology has put this power of communication in the hands of more and more world citizens. Perhaps the most powerful image of this is the cell phone you are likely to find in the pocket of the lowly Vietnamese farmer plowing his rice fields with an ox. We live in an age of information and this more than anything is the real long-term value and positive contribution of globalization. As the citizens of the world are increasingly exposed to the choices that exists, even those as debatable in value as a Big Mac, they chose what they believe offers the best value, whether in real terms or the emotional experience that goes with it. Those who believe that only the clever and devious marketers of Madison Avenue fuel this phenomenon should be chastised for such a narrow minded and condescending attitude. By nature, human beings are the most rational species, and perhaps the only one capable of considering first the possible outcomes of our decisions. We want a better life and an even better life for our children and their children. Ask any well-informed air traveler in the remote areas of the globe whether he or she prefers Airbus to Tupelov and why? The answer, poor maintenance and bad pilots aside, is it is safer. The basis of that answer is that traveler’s access to legitimate worldwide statistics of the reliability of each and the fact there is, in fact, a choice. Despite all of its warts, globalization, or perhaps more exactly, the globalization of information, is allowing these kind of decisions to happen faster and more frequently than at any time in history, as the quality of not only products and services, but social institutions such as healthcare and education is universally improved and our choices are expanded. This has to be good for everyone in the long run.

Protecting my tomatoes from Bambi-Is building a fence the best answer?

2007-09-01T12:38:00.000-07:00

The decision to erect fences and barriers is never a simple one, and history will show that even those as monumental as the Great Wall in the end proved to be scalable. It is almost reprehensible to me that even as the celebration of the collapse of that wall in Berlin remains fresh in our minds, many in the US are debating the merits of building one of our own in the name of stopping illegal immigrants from entering. Do fences really make good neighbors? It sort of reminds me of my own battle to protect my god given right to home grown tomatoes from the menacing deer that lurk in the shadows at night.

The most gratifying gift of home gardening is without doubt that colorful and luscious seedpod known as the tomato. Whether you say /temeto/ and I say /tamato/ aside, there is universal agreement that the taste of a juicy ripe tomato fresh from the vine is a divine sensation. Industrialized tomatoes that grace our supermarket produce section may look the part, but the taste and texture will never hold a candle to that of this goddess of the garden. In fact, the yearn for that mouthful of flavor yielded up from a homegrown tomato is so overwhelming that it is not surprising to see a handful of tomato vines gracing even the smallest of urban lawns.

For most of the summer, I have been carefully cultivating and nurturing three vines, each a magnificent species of this mouthwatering delight, the firm and robust plum tomato, the sweet and diminutive grape tomato, and the crown jewel of the tomato kingdom, the heirloom tomato. And for most of the summer, and again today, I find myself boiling up in rage and savage anger as I awake to discover that another (insert your favorite and most damning stream of expletives) deer has enjoyed the fruits of my labor as I find the vines stripped of the crop ready to be harvested.

What the hell? Deer don't even like tomatoes do they? Well, it seems the ones in my area have certainly acquired a very nuanced and veracious appetite for nightshade's close cousin! First, it was a general taste, unsophisticated and raw, taking out leaves, stems and fruit regardless of size or ripeness. Then a degree of selectivity took over, as their appetite tended more to the firmer and larger fruits, still far from ripe but well on their way to reaching their rightful place on my plate. Now, to my utter astonishment, my local deer friends have become tomato gourmands, choosing with the same attention to ripeness as myself, taking only the ripest and most flavorful, usually just a few hours before the time I had anticipated doing the same. Damn, I can't believe I actually cried for Bambi when that shot range out through the woods!

I know what you are thinking, why does the fool not put up a fence? After all, it is not like there was no warning. I had thought about this already but my notion is that fences are an eyesore and disrupt the natural beauty and sanctity of nature. Blighting my manicured and lush suburban landscape with a barrier is simply not an option. Sure, there are other options, applying a healthy dose of coyote pee is one that most comes to mind. But this is my land, I pay the taxes, I hold the deed. Why should I have to resort to such extreme measures as applying feral urine in constant and liberal doses to protect what is rightfully mine? Better still, it is my constitutional right to hold and to use firearms to protect my property and self isn't it? Maybe the solution is to bust a cap in Bambi's ass. Now that would send a pretty strong message to my furry little cervine friends not to poach in my garden anymore!

As the rage diminishes with each sip of coffee and the nicotine cranks up my level of dopamine, a few threads of reason slowly entwine with my more vicious thoughts. Ok, there are plenty of fresh tomatoes this time of year. In fact, there are 3 or 4 local farm stands nearby chocked full of fresh off the vine tomatoes in every hue of red and yellow and equally tasty as mine must have been. Maybe the deer are actually hungry, considering the 1,000 or so new 4-bedroom, 3-bath French Country estates that have sprung up recently, consuming a lot of space that served as their old feeding grounds before. Perhaps it wasn't even a deer to begin with since ground hogs, rabbits and even squirrels have equally known propensity for the occasional ravaging romp through the garden as well.

As I set under this beautiful late summer sky reading the latest arguments raging back and forth on immigration and its impact on our lives that seem to consume the headlines these days, I pause for a moment to reflect. Is my battle with Bambi not unlike that equally vexing battle with a tide of immigrants seeking a better life or at least a more satisfying meal? Is the solution really to seal our nation's borders with fences and barricades? Could we not also find a more reasoned and rational approach to this growing, but far from life threatening, problem? Perhaps the same monies and effort directed at sealing our borders could be directed at fixing the root cause of our problems in society today. Are the waves of illegal immigrants really responsible for disrupting society or is it that our already weak and inadequate social institutions are just more rapidly reaching the tipping point of collapse as a result, a collapse that was inevitable?

Ok Bambi, I am not so sorry I cried for you anymore. Next time try the zucchini as well; it is a wonderful companion to those Roma's you find so tasty. Its likely other's would rot if not for me to buy them, as every summer brings an abundance that is never fully consumed, and this year's crop is better than ever since there were more people to tend to and pick the crop than before.

And the beat goes on, just a with a different drummer

2007-08-31T09:38:00.001-07:00

As election season ramps up and the rhetoric starts to flow in earnest, it seems the hot buttons this round so far are Iraq War, Healthcare, the Disenfranchised and Gay Rights, though probably not in that order. But clearly, the war should take center stage. Recently I saw an interesting, if not slightly naïve question-How has the war in Iraq effected the quality of life in the US? Does war ever make the quality of life better at the moment?

Recently, the current administration definitely struck a raw nerve with its misplaced and totally inappropriate statements that we could and would not abandon the Iraq people to the same disastrous consequences that occurred in Vietnam. Anyone with even an inkling of Vietnam today would find this utterly preposterous. Perhaps though there is some basis to link the two, the most likely being that we again find ourselves fighting a distant war in a hostile land to support of an unpopular, incompetent and corrupt government for reasons that seem to be dubious at best.

To those of us whose generation was perhaps defined by that distant war in Southeast Asia the current quagmire does however serve to remind us of the impact of war on our daily lives, particularly a war that is increasingly unpopular. Wars, no matter how distant, are seldom linked to improving daily life. In fact, one of the most often invoked expressions is the infamous “sacrifice for war in the name of peace”. Constant resources are needed, both human and material, the numbers of the dead and wounded mount daily, emotions are stretched and tempers are tested. In the generation of my parents and their parents, this “sacrifice” of course took on an entirely different meaning as the Great Wars were fought with a global unity and a clear understanding of what was at stake. These sacrifices were a necessary consequence to reach a better future for all mankind. It is pretty hard to draw a similar picture today; in fact, the current situation seems to only magnify that this war, more than most, is drawing us further into a lesser and perhaps more dangerous future.

First, what is the likely outcome? Will winning this war fundamentally change the forces that oppose us or will it only strengthen their resolve and broaden the conflict? Are we not in some respects at war to insure we can continue to feed our veracious appetite for oil, a resource that will inevitably be depleted anyway? Is this truly a war where victory will insure a lasting peace in the region or is it just a battle to be won or lost in a greater and more devastating march to oblivion? I of course do not even begin to have these answers nor do those in charge likely have either. One disturbing outcome of this current war is the degree of polarization fostered among friends and foes alike. Clearly this is not good. Will the outcome bring more security to our nation and insure we are safer in the future. The results are still out of course but the initial outlook is not favorable.

Next, lets consider the financial implications, the billions of dollars that are being diverted away from our country’s, and the world’s for that matter, more pressing and growing needs-hunger, poverty, degradation of the environment and disease. Does a victory insure that these issues can be adequately addressed in the immediate future? Are these only temporary sacrifices that must be made for the common good? Here at home, as I see the population of the homeless continue to climb, witness first hand the growing anger and often violent reactions of the disenfranchised and disillusioned and what appears on the surface to be an accelerating and dangerous decay of infrastructure and institution I can only question if in fact this is money well spent.

Finally, what about the impact on society? Our human resources allocated to this effort seem stretched to the limit. The affect on family, community and even industry has not gone unnoticed. The impact of technology on war has certainly reduced the risk of death on the battlefield, but the survivors carry perhaps deeper and more permanent wounds, both physically and emotionally. Do we have the resources in place to deal with this going forward or are we at risk of only creating a new genre of disenfranchised and disillusioned? As we reach further and further into the fringes to fill these human resource needs do we risk building an army of iniquity rather than one of integrity? Again, I certainly don’t know the answers but believe these are fair questions that need to be answered.

Has this war made our lives better so far? The answer is clearly no. War never does have an immediate positive bump and probably never will. Will it bring a better life in the future? Clearly the jury is still out and the chance of reaching consensus is still distant in any regard.

Happy McBirthday!

2007-08-30T13:28:00.000-07:00

Can you believe it? Mr. Big Mac has just turned 40! Its time to McParty!

“Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun” is literally hard wired into my brain as well as it is in most aging boomers! Lets face it, fat tastes damn good to those finicky little organs called taste buds, and a Big Mac literally oozes with yummy carbon and hydrogen molecules. In my mind, the Big Mac is the undisputed king of “comfort food”, but let us not forget it’s almost medicinal like ability to cure the most stubborn hangover. Who among us has not sought out this savory treat after slamming down a few too many? I don’t know about you but those 30+ grams of fat go along way in soothing my neuropeptide starved gray matter.

Aside from Big Mac’s obvious health benefits and its undeniable appeal to all the gastronomists of grease out there, perhaps some of you might be unaware of the enormous influence of Big Mac on global financial markets? It is almost with certainty I say many monumental and life changing monetary decisions effecting you and me today are likely based on some policy wonk’s take on the latest “Big Mac Index” numbers so diligently compiled by The Economist, that bastion of fiscal acumen.

Those identical twins of water-laden, ground cow parts; solidified by a blast of liquid nitrogen, topped with a massive dollop of American “French” dressing, shredded iceberg lettuce, a slice or two of Velveeta and a sliver of dill and onion and then tucked between three layers of bread with the absorption power of a truckload of Bounty towels; may just be one of the most important innovation of our generation.

Dear Master McMarketers of the McDonald Universe, please don’t ever think of taking our beloved Big Mac away! If anything, maybe times are ripe for a “Supersize” upgrade!

Some Anniversaries are Hard to Forget

2007-08-30T13:07:00.000-07:00

The anniversary of one has just passed and the other's is just around the corner. This is the time of year when I often reflect on modern America's two greatest disasters, the aftermath of Katrina and the horrors of 9/11. The impact on the psyche of America if not the World was deep and profound as disbelief gave way to horror, and horror turning to anger. During each of these tragedies I was living outside of the US and the reactions to the events of those around me and their thoughts and questions and the opinions left an impact on me as well, as lasting and no less profound than the events themselves.

On the evening of September 11th I was at the gym watching CNN on the monitor in front of me as I plodded along on the Stairmaster; just a normal Tuesday night after work. Suddenly, half a continent away, as people made their way to the office to start their Tuesday morning, the image that flashed on the screen was almost surreal, a plane had just crashed into the World Trade Center. Before even able to comprehend the first image fully, another plane streaked into view with more devastating consequences, and over the course of the next hours the shock of the carnage and horror begin to take hold. But what happened in the gym around me as these despicable act unfolded was to me, an American, a far greater and sadder tragedy. As the second plane impacted, a small group gleefully looked on and actually cheered, some even going so far as to say, it was long overdue. How and why had we as a nation become so disliked to bring about this reaction?

The Katrina story was even more perplexing. At the time of the storm, I was living in a country prone to typhoons and the resulting destruction and risk to life that they, like hurricanes, so often bring. The media coverage of the storm had already prepped most of us with the notion that the consequences would be severe, but what transpired in the aftermath was unparalleled in its absurdity. As my colleagues and I watched the uneven and ill-guided response, the obvious differences between what was actually happening and what we were being told, the blatant denial of responsibility from government, both local and national, and ultimately, the complete breakdown of civil order, their, and my, sense of disbelief was overwhelming–this just could not be happening in the US could it? How could the world's only remaining so-called superpower so miserably fail its citizens? But perhaps the most unsettling image to my foreign friends was the raw display of anarchy into which New Orleans soon descended. Time and time again, I was asked how can this happen in America? What is wrong? Why are these people killing and robbing each other and why does the government not send more resources to help out?

I am back in the US today, and sadly to say, dislike for the US and the resulting loss of respect globally seems to have grown since the events of 9/11, and New Orleans remains but a shell of what it was, riddled with crime and little progress made in its rebuilding effort; and the questions that bewilder and haunt me, no easier answered than before, perhaps never fully answered.

But one thing I do know and see is that the number of the poor and the disillusioned and often violent disenfranchised citizens in the US continues to grow at alarming rates. At the same time, the displaced notion that our brand of democracy is the answer for all the world's troubles is as strong as ever in the minds of our leadership. Our foreign policy remains a mystery to most and enormous sums of money are being consumed by wars that history has shown to be futile. Is another great disaster lurking around the corner, waiting to unfold?

As these infamous anniversaries are solemnly observed and the politicians and pundits alike fill our ears and eyes with words of why we should or should not ever witness such a tragedy again, perhaps each of us should also ask ourselves the same questions I still cannot answer fully.