What I learned in spite of Sunday school

Having grown up with a rather haphazard and eclectic immersion into religion (yes, I was baptized several times), the question most often on my mind as a child was whether I would burn in a cauldron of fiery brimstone or know that my weekly penitence was the key to the door of eternal bliss. The final product of these liberal doses of Southern Baptist, Pentecostal, Moravian, Lutheran and Catholic dogma was a very spiritual challenged person, but one with a tremendous curiosity how one book, The Bible, could produce so many different and often conflicting interpretations. One thing was for sure though; this Bible was one powerful and compelling piece of literature and was far more interesting than My Weekly Reader. Later in college, struggling to find easy (thus passable with minimum effort) courses I stumbled on something called “World Religions”. Here I not only rediscovered the Bible, but also discovered the Hebrew Bible, The Qur’an and the collection of writings of the Buddha’s teachings, and the powerful influence they had on peoples lives. Much to my surprise, I actually learned some valuable lessons that have served me well in life.

In today’s increasingly polarized and intolerant society maybe it might be worthwhile to consider teaching the world’s great religions, and a reading of the great books and writings these are based on, as a required subject in the primary school system. Think what a tremendous impact this might have on reducing the points of intolerance in our society today. That would of course mean that the teaching would have to be done from a secular pulpit, a condition that I fear would be pretty hard to sell to roughly 49% of our population-those aptly named “red states”, not to mention the obstacles that would need to be overcome in the more totalitarian and monotheistic school boards that exist in parts of the nation, but consider the implications.

The Bible, the Qur'an, Buddha's teachings are all indeed a great works of literature. All of these classics surprisingly share a universal code of morality and ethical guidelines. Stripped of any particular dogma, this sage advice might indeed lead in some small way toward lessening intolerance, bigotry and racism so rampant now wherever we look. At the same time, in a country such as ours where 50% or more of the population thinks Singapore is part of China, the implications for broadening understanding of geography are compelling as well. Even the teaching of science, mathematics, health and business might benefit from this change in curriculum. The only risk is can this be accomplished without the introduction of bias toward a particular dogma or faith, but this is a risk that is worth taking I believe, for the common good.

Perhaps the great American humorist and author Mark Twain sums this up best with these words, “All schools, all colleges, have two great functions: to confer, and to conceal, valuable knowledge. The theological knowledge which they conceal cannot justly be regarded as less valuable than that which they reveal. That is, when a man is buying a basket of strawberries it can profit him to know that the bottom half of it is rotten.” At least by putting that basket on display for all to see, it is easier to find the rotten ones.

A New Weapon in the Battle of the Bulge

Get ready for Small Bites! I found this clever little device on the front page of the business section in the local paper last week. (Click on title to read the full article.) What first appeared to me as someone’s attempt to recycle last year’s retainer is in fact a nifty little gadget that controls how far you can actually open your mouth, limiting the amount of food you can insert at one time. It’s clinical merit seems based on some marginally relevant research conducted on eating habits a few years ago that showed the slower we eat, the less we actually eat, and the less we eat, the faster we lose weight. Now there’s a novel idea. Oh, did I mention that particular research used “Chicken Nuggets” as the test food, an item with at best a questionable role in any weight management program to begin with, particularly if they were McNuggets. But I am getting off track here, so back to Small Bites.

According to this article and some other research I did, there are roughly 400 million overweight or obese people in the world who could potential gain (uphs, I mean lose) from this device. The basic principle behind its effectiveness is behavior modification and limited field trails in Europe have been quite successful. Small Bites is designed to cause discomfort, yes hurt, if you open your mouth too wide. So by making it painful to eat large bites, Small Bites soon whips you into a toned and svelte chunk of humanity. Wow, I wish I had thought of that.

As one who is considered a pragmatic thinker it is however quick for me to see some of its shortcomings already. First, how do you cut up a Whopper Jr. into small bites while weaving in and out of lunchtime traffic? Maybe this gives new meaning to the concept of “having it my way”. Those donut holes that usually comprise half of a hearty breakfast seem to be too big to inhale now also, can we get those in mini size instead? A trip to the ballpark is never really memorable unless accompanied by a juicy cheese steak and bucket of crab fries. Ok, the fries I can work with, but the cheese steak? Even that big tantalizing bite into a luscious crisp autumn apple seems unlikely if fitted out with Small Bite. And what about the far more important and no less desirable urge for amorous play? I guess tongue kissing is out of the question with this baby firmly in place, not to mention those other “unspeakable” mouth pleasures. Hmm, its practicality seems dubious at best.

As a long time weight challenged individual I guess I can understand the motive. After all, this little device comes on the heels of a pharmaceutical answer for losing weight that promises increased and uncontrollable flatulence and the potential for “leakage” and severe diarrheas, certainly far more embarrassing than getting your fork hung on your Small Bite. Society today does unevenly reward the thin and the thick and we seem to be in an age where quick fixes are preferred over longer-term solutions. Even the most cited comment about that tragic performance of you know who recently on MTV was, “my god, she is fat!”. But what happened to common sense? Of course we are going to gain weight if we eat the wrong foods, in the wrong portions and consider exercise to be the trip from the couch to the refrigerator and back. There are medical reasons for some, and these are legitimate and often complex, but for the majority of the so-called weight challenged majority, it is a simple case of too much and too little; too much of the wrong foods and too little exercise to work off those carbs and fats and other nasty little critters that accumulate on the mid section. Do I really need to wire my mouth shut and depend on an occasionally jolt of pain to remind myself to eat smaller bites?

Or maybe I am really just jealous I didn’t think of this first. At $50.00 a pop, the market potential is over $20 Billion. Good luck Small Bites!