Protecting my tomatoes from Bambi-Is building a fence the best answer?

The decision to erect fences and barriers is never a simple one, and history will show that even those as monumental as the Great Wall in the end proved to be scalable. It is almost reprehensible to me that even as the celebration of the collapse of that wall in Berlin remains fresh in our minds, many in the US are debating the merits of building one of our own in the name of stopping illegal immigrants from entering. Do fences really make good neighbors? It sort of reminds me of my own battle to protect my god given right to home grown tomatoes from the menacing deer that lurk in the shadows at night.

The most gratifying gift of home gardening is without doubt that colorful and luscious seedpod known as the tomato. Whether you say /temeto/ and I say /tamato/ aside, there is universal agreement that the taste of a juicy ripe tomato fresh from the vine is a divine sensation. Industrialized tomatoes that grace our supermarket produce section may look the part, but the taste and texture will never hold a candle to that of this goddess of the garden. In fact, the yearn for that mouthful of flavor yielded up from a homegrown tomato is so overwhelming that it is not surprising to see a handful of tomato vines gracing even the smallest of urban lawns.

For most of the summer, I have been carefully cultivating and nurturing three vines, each a magnificent species of this mouthwatering delight, the firm and robust plum tomato, the sweet and diminutive grape tomato, and the crown jewel of the tomato kingdom, the heirloom tomato. And for most of the summer, and again today, I find myself boiling up in rage and savage anger as I awake to discover that another (insert your favorite and most damning stream of expletives) deer has enjoyed the fruits of my labor as I find the vines stripped of the crop ready to be harvested.

What the hell? Deer don't even like tomatoes do they? Well, it seems the ones in my area have certainly acquired a very nuanced and veracious appetite for nightshade's close cousin! First, it was a general taste, unsophisticated and raw, taking out leaves, stems and fruit regardless of size or ripeness. Then a degree of selectivity took over, as their appetite tended more to the firmer and larger fruits, still far from ripe but well on their way to reaching their rightful place on my plate. Now, to my utter astonishment, my local deer friends have become tomato gourmands, choosing with the same attention to ripeness as myself, taking only the ripest and most flavorful, usually just a few hours before the time I had anticipated doing the same. Damn, I can't believe I actually cried for Bambi when that shot range out through the woods!

I know what you are thinking, why does the fool not put up a fence? After all, it is not like there was no warning. I had thought about this already but my notion is that fences are an eyesore and disrupt the natural beauty and sanctity of nature. Blighting my manicured and lush suburban landscape with a barrier is simply not an option. Sure, there are other options, applying a healthy dose of coyote pee is one that most comes to mind. But this is my land, I pay the taxes, I hold the deed. Why should I have to resort to such extreme measures as applying feral urine in constant and liberal doses to protect what is rightfully mine? Better still, it is my constitutional right to hold and to use firearms to protect my property and self isn't it? Maybe the solution is to bust a cap in Bambi's ass. Now that would send a pretty strong message to my furry little cervine friends not to poach in my garden anymore!

As the rage diminishes with each sip of coffee and the nicotine cranks up my level of dopamine, a few threads of reason slowly entwine with my more vicious thoughts. Ok, there are plenty of fresh tomatoes this time of year. In fact, there are 3 or 4 local farm stands nearby chocked full of fresh off the vine tomatoes in every hue of red and yellow and equally tasty as mine must have been. Maybe the deer are actually hungry, considering the 1,000 or so new 4-bedroom, 3-bath French Country estates that have sprung up recently, consuming a lot of space that served as their old feeding grounds before. Perhaps it wasn't even a deer to begin with since ground hogs, rabbits and even squirrels have equally known propensity for the occasional ravaging romp through the garden as well.

As I set under this beautiful late summer sky reading the latest arguments raging back and forth on immigration and its impact on our lives that seem to consume the headlines these days, I pause for a moment to reflect. Is my battle with Bambi not unlike that equally vexing battle with a tide of immigrants seeking a better life or at least a more satisfying meal? Is the solution really to seal our nation's borders with fences and barricades? Could we not also find a more reasoned and rational approach to this growing, but far from life threatening, problem? Perhaps the same monies and effort directed at sealing our borders could be directed at fixing the root cause of our problems in society today. Are the waves of illegal immigrants really responsible for disrupting society or is it that our already weak and inadequate social institutions are just more rapidly reaching the tipping point of collapse as a result, a collapse that was inevitable?

Ok Bambi, I am not so sorry I cried for you anymore. Next time try the zucchini as well; it is a wonderful companion to those Roma's you find so tasty. Its likely other's would rot if not for me to buy them, as every summer brings an abundance that is never fully consumed, and this year's crop is better than ever since there were more people to tend to and pick the crop than before.