Why I am unlikely to ever make Vice President

While browsing through a list of available jobs recently I came upon the following title, Vice President, Omissions and Errors. My god! Is Cheney up for replacement, is his heart on the fritz again? Who would have thought George W. would have to go looking on Monster.com?

Of course my curiosity got the best of me and I used up 30 minutes or so of my life learning what a VP of Omissions and Errors actually did. It turns out Errors and Omissions is a niche field of insurance that covers consequence damages and liability caused by the mistakes of others, primarily professionals like doctors, lawyers, architects and software developers, so the VP must help someone run that area. Hmmm, with my new found knowledge, now I am left wondering does the team in the White House have ample coverage but that is another matter.

So where is this going? For those readers who have not yet been corrupted by the business virus, a few decades ago companies discovered that a well-timed upgrade in title substituted for monetary reward, or at least coupled with less monetary reward, seemed to contribute to improved job satisfaction, and thus better performance. In the extreme of cases, the net cost was little more than the price of a box or two of business cards. As both a practitioner as well as recipient of this clever ploy, I have to admit that bestowing a lofty title along with a little, immediately gratifying, cash does tend to make one more productive, and motivated, at least in the short run. I guess those management experts like Herzberg and Locke were on to something; recognition is a powerful stroke to our fragile egos, and a snappy new title is a one great way to recognize.

Soon, this idea spread like wildfire and everyone was a “specialist”, consultant, manager, executive (fill in the blank), associate or VP. Now, My coffee is brewed by a Barista, the cashier in the men’s section is my Couture Consultant, the guy from Chemlawn who spreads fertilizer is a Senior Turf Technician, the hooker canvassing the local casino likes to be called a Guest Relations Representative, and most corporate offices today have more VP’s than parking spots in the corporate lot. And that takes me to my point, so what is the deal with Vice Presidents anyway, what exactly does a VP do, and where is the President? Ever think about that? Vice in this context means in place of somebody, but who is that somebody anyway? The company that was looking for that VP of Errors and Omissions doesn’t have a President for Errors and Omissions, why do they need a Vice President? Ok, I understand the concept of VP and General Manager, or VP and Division Manager, or VP and Director of (whatever), but VP by itself? Come on!

My meager understanding is that a President is the leader and the one who is responsible for taking charge and making decisions. A Vice President is then someone that supports this person if logic follows. But maybe I got it all wrong; maybe the Vice President is really the one who is in charge, but by being only a Vice President, it makes it easier for us to believe that in the end, it was someone else’s fault, particularly if the outcome is not so spectacular or those well formulated plans did not work out so well. Hmm, maybe a VP is not a bad title to have after all. It sure makes it easier to pass on the blame.